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Relationships

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Original poster

Am I right to be suspicious?

43 replies

finallyunchained · 19/02/2016 17:54

DP had an EA 3 years ago with a woman very different to myself.

He confessed, and everything has been ok since then. We have been together 4 years so the EA was soon into the start of our relationship.

Coincidentally, I happened to be in the same place as DP (he didn't know I was there), when he ran into her. They clearly hadn't seen or spoken to each other in a while. He didn't have to stop and talk to her, but he did. All this sounds reasonable, I guess they have no reason to not be civil to each other and given they work together I would expect that.

What irks me is that I managed to hear/lip read his parting words to her, and they were something along the lines of 'you look good/well'.

AIBU to be majorly pissed off by this?

OP posts:

JesusWife · 19/02/2016 18:35

*Fact

Whathaveilost · 19/02/2016 18:37

I can see why you are upset but I think you are being unreasonable.

As you said they clearly haven't been in touch with each other in that time.

Both males and females that I haven't seen for a while have finished a conversation with that line. I have also said the same. Sure it's paying a complement but it is a way of finishing a conversation without awkwardness.

GiveMyHeadPeaceffs · 19/02/2016 18:37

Wow, I think you're reading an awful lot into what sounds like a throwaway parting comment. Tbh from your op I don't think there's anything suspicious at all. They work for the same company so it stands to reason they'd be civil to each other. Do you work for the same company? Is that why you were strategically placed to hear/lip read his parting comment? I think if you tackle him about it and don't handle it perfectly, he'll think you're trying to drag things up again that he thinks were long dealt with. If this is the only thing that he's done that you find suspicious and you've nothing else that suggests anything inappropriate, then I think you're over-reacting and he might possibly think so too

Doingmyheadin2016 · 19/02/2016 19:02

I wouldn't be particularly worried about that comment. However I would be concerned about the affair itself and if all issues arising from it were resolved. It seems not from what you say so I would definitely have a word with him about it.

Original poster

finallyunchained · 19/02/2016 19:16

The EA was not nice for me at all. I am near 40, he has just turned 30. She is mid 20's. It made me question whether progressing the relationship was the right thing to do. It happened early into the relationship, so there was time to get out.

3 years later we are strong. Making good plans for the future re children, mortgage and marriage etc.

OP posts:

toffeeboffin · 19/02/2016 19:16

'Any whiff of anything dodgy and I have to go.'

But is this dodgy enough for you to go, OP?

Slowdecrease · 19/02/2016 19:17

I think it's about as innocuous as "well nice to see you" "take care" "you're looking well anyway" etc ie a parting comment to wrap up the conversation. I wouldn't worry OP, unless you're worried already that they still have something going on.

toffeeboffin · 19/02/2016 19:18

If you hadn't seen this exchange, would you be questioning the relationship at all?

Original poster

finallyunchained · 19/02/2016 19:19

The comment stung.

When he confessed to the EA, he handed over his phone. Some of the messages were tough to read. He had told her she would make a good wife and was the most beautiful woman he had ever met.

OP posts:

Original poster

finallyunchained · 19/02/2016 19:21

If I hadn't seen the exchange, I would be blissfully happy.

OP posts:

wickedfairy · 19/02/2016 19:21

I would say that to someone of either gender, if it was true. Even if it was an ex, it would not mean I was going to do anything inappropriate.

I have had it said to me by men I know before (they all know my Dh very well too), and were not trying to crack on to me.

However, trust your gut. I am not your dp, only you know him that well. Good luck X

TheNaze73 · 19/02/2016 19:22

I don't see a single thing wrong with what he did there. I personally wouldn't blow smoke up an ex's but, each to their own

Marilynsbigsister · 19/02/2016 19:25

Can't see has handle anything wrong . If he had said ' haven't seen you for ages, let's catch up, give me your member ...then maybe you would have reason to,doubt...,but HE DIDNT !!

RomiiRoo · 19/02/2016 19:25

Hmm, I don't know. I have always thought you are looking well was shorthand for you are looking a bit plumpish and comfortable with life, not you look good in an attraction way. If people say you are looking well to me, I think they mean I don't look tired, drawn or gaunt.

toffeeboffin · 19/02/2016 19:26

'He had told her she would make a good wife and was the most beautiful woman he had ever met.'

This would have been a deal breaker for me.

He said this to her whilst he was with you?

Marilynsbigsister · 19/02/2016 19:27

member - no no no !!! Number.

Original poster

finallyunchained · 19/02/2016 19:30

Toffee, yes, it wasn't great. Took me a whole year to get over it. But we are in a good place now, but seeing that interaction has brought it all back. It's also the first time I have seen her properly.

OP posts:

category12 · 19/02/2016 19:32

Just goes to show the trust isn't there. I don't think the incident would trouble you at all if you didn't have (rational) doubts.

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