Dh cut off from cousin

[gandalf456]

This has been going on a few years now. Looking back, they went a bit funny after having had kids and spent more time with dh brother, who had children the same age.

When we had our daughter, ;they weren't overly interested even though she got on well with the cousins.

Dh wasn't invited to his cousins 40th, aunts 70th (she claimed we hadn't returned her calls but she left no messages ) and dh did not get a card for his birthday (another milestone).

His brother, on the other hand, is in constant contact. We have never had a whisper as to why and no obvious falling out.. I saw his wife a couple of years ago à nd she was perfectly friendly and got a brief text when dad died . Dd is now on instagr am and the cousins have now all started following her and sharing photos and memories she has no part in. The girls are perfectly friendly so it's not them. But dd is bewildered by it all

Dh is very eaten up. To me it's neither here nor there but I feel v sorry for him and ddbut dh will not ask why which I would if it were me.

No. It's infuriating as i would they don't get on well either. Saying that dh was super close to his cousin when in twenties thirties. I kind of get why. His brother is likely to be defensive or change the subject. He's a very domineering character

You are right and they are my thoughts exactly. I wonder if it would be worth involving myself but it's risky as an in law. The problem could even be me.I wouldn't have a clue how to start either

I think it may be, yes

His brother has this odd habit of hijacking DH's friends then leaving him out and being very secretive about it. It is most odd. It's happened 2/3 times. Dh reckons it's a case of not 'wanting us in their gang' and they are like that. They have very cliquey friendships.

However, DD is a bit put out and I'm finding it a job to explain it to her. I don't really want to slag off that side of the family as it's her relationship, not mine, and I don't really give a rat's ass if I'm included or not anyway so there's no point. I do feel hurt for DD as she's done nothing wrong. Fine, leave us out but they are doing it to a child which is unfair as she's done nothing wrong.

DH did have a conversation with BIL a few years ago and he denied meeting up with the cousins and said he hardly saw them. Obviously, from what the children are saying, this is not true. I didn't necessarily know that then because it's only recently that DD and my niece have met up again after not having seen one another for a year despite living down the road.