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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

adult dating site

69 replies

Amandapeat · 19/02/2016 10:00

hi I have no idea if u guys can help but I'm desperate for outside advice.
I saw on of my partners email from a very adult dating site I checked it out he has a profile set up only basic info u can get anywhere.he hadn't read any messages as it's a paid site and doesn't look like he really went on it but there is a picture of his "manhood" a pic he took and sent to me over Facebook..he says he knows nothing about it I also found a friend on there who was surprised when I said i found him but his pic was a pic he uses a lot on profiles of his face...it's nit the first odd thing ive foubd..we've 2 kids together I'm trying to let it go for them but I can't please help with some advice

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TokenGinger · 19/02/2016 13:24

So what we have here is definitely a dick pic. Definitely his dick. Not the same one he's sent to you.

So he's either sent it to another women who had set up a fake profile to try and out him. Or he's been hacked.

But, let me pick up on something you've said that nobody else has.

He's used the same password that he uses for other sites which has meant you've been able to log in.

If somebody had set up this fake profile, it must be a huge coincidence that they've used the same password he usually uses.

He's set this up himself.

Original poster

Amandapeat · 19/02/2016 13:45

thankyou...think I know deep down...even if he set up a profile on some kind of sister account and they got the info of that still means he's used that pic..

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Original poster

Amandapeat · 19/02/2016 13:47

although I'm still confused about the friend who also knows nothing about his profile

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Oysterbabe · 19/02/2016 13:57

The friend is lying too.

Original poster

Amandapeat · 19/02/2016 14:00

doubtfull he's actually my best friend of 12 years I already no he has dating site profiles and what not but he'd have no reason to lie

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TempusEedjit · 19/02/2016 14:21

Surely a hacker/spammer would be accessing something useful to them like eBay, Amazon, online banking etc. What would they have to gain in setting up a dating account with your DP's details? I know you get dating scams but they set up profiles on regular dating sites with a friendly attractive face shot to hook people in, not a cock shot on an adult site!

Also if I were him I'd be thinking oh shit, how has an intimate picture ended up in the public domain?! Think about how much panic the MN hack caused amongst users last year let alone if our private photos had been used illicitly. If I were your DP I'd be frantically checking that it hadn't ended up elsewhere and questioning you about the site and what you saw so I could investigate further and make sure it wasn't posted anywhere else, and that my other accounts hadn't been compromised. Did he seem panicked that someone was fraudulently using his personal info or did he just simply deny all knowledge?

summerwinterton · 19/02/2016 14:23

I think you are desperately looking for excuses because you don't want to admit he is a cheat. Why would all these possible explanations explain what he has done yet the obvious answer to how this has happened is so clearly being ignored by yourself.

Nobody here is going to tell you he is innocent.

Original poster

Amandapeat · 19/02/2016 14:24

he just denied all knowledge...he made a comment about the pic being on there but no he didn't seem panicked

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Original poster

Amandapeat · 19/02/2016 14:26

because we have 2 kids together..were generally a happy normal sexual couple with average problem...guess I was looking for some hope it's all a big mistake

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summerwinterton · 19/02/2016 14:32

well of course he will deny it - you actually believe he would be honest about it?

Original poster

Amandapeat · 19/02/2016 14:34

eventually yea i did

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TempusEedjit · 19/02/2016 14:44

What your relationship like generally? What do you consider to be "average problems"?

Original poster

Amandapeat · 19/02/2016 15:02

argue over little things every now n then...sometimes we forget we need do stuff for each other iso what we're working on now but we havnt really had any major issues...generally it's good he's amazing dad helps out works as much as he can to pay our bills so I don't have to work

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TempusEedjit · 19/02/2016 15:54

Sorry this is happening to you, I can see why you want to believe him and pretend that none of this has happened. Unfortunately it's clear he is lying about this, question is can you live with an unfaithful, untruthful partner?

hefzi · 19/02/2016 16:08

Honestly- he signed up, and hadn't realised you'd have to pay to read and send messages. I'm sorry he's lying to you about it. There are fake profiles on sites - but these tend to be the ones migrated between sites that belong to the same owner/group: so you might appear on adultfriendfinder, but your original account was with asianfriendfinder or whatever.

Also - you found the original message in his email: if that was your email, and you got a message saying you were registered on a site you hadn't registered for, would you really not look into it? Especially if it was using a picture of your cock that you had only taken to send to your DW?

Original poster

Amandapeat · 19/02/2016 16:29

I can see what your saying about the email but it does look like spam mail if u don't read it properly one of those that doesn't show u account info or anything....but I know he's lying its just some on the info doesn't make sense...I have acsess to his old phone with his email and Facebook signed in and there's nothing else at all

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blindsider · 19/02/2016 16:29

My guess would be he has attempted to sign up and got half way through before he realised you have to pay and then thought stuff it and forgot about it.

If he is really professing his innocence get him to notify the police that he has been hacked and get the details of how this profile was set up and from which IP address.

BlondeOnATreadmill · 19/02/2016 16:40

My guess would be he has attempted to sign up and got half way through before he realised you have to pay and then thought stuff it and forgot about it.

^ Absolutely. This was my first thought too.

Original poster

Amandapeat · 19/02/2016 16:43

yea i thought that too...his reply was everyone knows you have to pay for those kind of things so y would I bother

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BlondeOnATreadmill · 19/02/2016 16:50

Because, the sites lure you in, with phrases like "Join for Free". Well, yeah, maybe you can join for free, but what they don't tell you, is that to read a message or send one, you have to upgrade your membership for a fee of £x. Isn't that what Match.com used to do? I know this is different. Maybe have a look at the site in question to see for sure.

Original poster

Amandapeat · 19/02/2016 16:58

I did I signed up to it and yea I could read messages for first couple days then had pay....I know I'm making excuses but somethung just doesn't add up...were a solid family he does everything to make us happy...apart from housework lol...we have a good sex life there's nothing else on his emails or anything and then the other unknown profile...soo confused

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Sparklycat · 19/02/2016 17:03

What other unknown profile?

PamDooveOrangeJoof · 19/02/2016 17:04

Why are you confused? It is absolutely obvious he is lying.

He joined to get the free messages like you were able to and then hasn't bothered paying to continue.

How and why would someone hack him?
What would they have to gain if any messages went to his email.

How would they know the password he uses.

How would they take a 'different' picture of his dick?

If it looks like a duck and walks like a duck and quacks like a duck... It's a fucking duck!

PamDooveOrangeJoof · 19/02/2016 17:06

Oh and I have experience of someone being 'hacked' when I saw an email telling them about their adult work profile.
And no of course he wasn't hacked either! He had bloody set it up himself. Just like your oh.

Don't let him insult your intelligence.

Original poster

Amandapeat · 19/02/2016 17:09

my friends profile on same website...he didn't know anything bout his when showed it him

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