What's wrong with me?

[Golfbuggy1]

I'd love an insight into why I feel like this. If someone has some good news (e.g. Pg announcement) my immediate, gut reaction is negative. My stomach literally reacts the way it would if I had just been told something bad/worrying. It is physical and instant. I have to work hard with the conscious part of my brain to be genuinely happy and persuade myself that it's a positive thing.

I hate it. It is an ugly way to feel. Predictably, I never feel that way when I hear other people's bad news, when I should feel like it. I seem to enjoy a crisis. It doesn't apply to my loved ones at all (my very best friends included), but to most other people. Is it jealousy?

My mum is openly like this and I really dislike it. She complains about other people's good fortune and crows over thier misfortune and I never want to feel like that. I want to feel genuinely delighted for other people.

I don't want to be pg btw, that was a recent example. Does anyone else feel like this?

My mum is enormously defensive and insecure, maybe it stems from that?

It's a kind of Schadenfreude. Perhaps one tends to feel like this a bit more when one is generally unhappy. Totally normal but try to override it?

I think you've identified what it is when you said jealousy, do you also have the same insecurities as your Mother?
It's good that you recognise it as a negative reaction. I do think it's normal to feel jealous sometimes.
Going back to your mother though, is that how she reacted to your accomplishments and good news as well? If that's the behaviour that's been role modeled to you, then it's unsurprising that you've picked up similar feelings.

A couple of suggestions

You have learned this behaviour since childhood. You have rejected it cerebrally but the emotion is harder to deal with

When it happens you feel bad. This reinforces the link, that good news for someone else is negative for you. Because it is, but not the news itself

Probably the wrong term, but it's a kind of phobia. You react negatively to something that causes you no harm or danger

Does that make any sense?

Thank you for being kind. My mother was always very positive about us, thinking about it, she was a bit 'us and them' and 'us against the world'. She either let select people into her life or, usually, found reason to dislike most people. I think I was raised to feel that other people's achievements somehow meant something bad for us. Like it took something away from us (when it didn't). This is the first time (nearly 40!) I've ever admitted it! I feel better already, I've always tried so hard to suppres it but I've just experienced it (FB pg announcement) and its so unpleasant. I am left with a feeling of low-level doom in my stomach!

That's makes a lot of sense. I've studied behavioural science so that's a perfect explanation! Never thought of it like that.

Makes me think I'm not a horrible person after all

No, not horrible. Just human!

Have you ever tried CBT? Might be helpful? Just helps you to control and I think ultimately, conquer unwanted feelings/responses.

jellycat1 You beat me to it. That would be the route that I'd suggest