Dont know what to make of this.

[gaggiagirl]

I have 2DC. DD is from a previous relationship. She has expressed a desire to have the same surname as her baby brother and therefore DP. She has very limited contact with her Dad.
Anyway DP and me aren't married, so I don't have that surname either.
This issue is this.
I told DP DD's wishes. Then said "but by the time you marry me, so I can have your surname, she will probably be grown up and moved out" this was said in a lighthearted tone. His reply was "gaggia, the more you keep going on about this marriage thing, the more I'm going to dig my heels in and not do it"
I hadn't realised i bang on about it. Maybe I do. I hadn't realised he was digging his heels in. I dont know what answers I want really. I just feel sad.
DD is 5 and DS is 5m if its relevant.

He'll see it as a Jedi mind trick mind

I really wouldn't want to marry someone who thought he was doing me a huge favour.

You can't just change your children's surnames without their father's permission.

Marriage should be a joint decision and it should be a discussion that you are able to have.

A mother can choose to give her baby any first or last name she likes. Baby can have her last name or the father’s. A father has no right to insist that his last name is used.

logical I thought it was a discussion that we did have, I was surprised and saddened to hear what he said.
He went straight to work after he said it so I wont be able to tell him to shove it til tomorrow now

You can't just change your children's surnames without their father's permission.

^ this

women have the choice when they name the children initially, if they are unmarried, but after that it appears you need the father's permission, sorry about that.

If go with what hellbells said!

just don't say anything about it at all. never bring it up again - you don't need to, you don't want to.

and i'd get the surnames changed.

I know DDs dad would give his permission but DP absolutely wouldn't. Never mind it was a nice thought.

Double barrel putting your name first. Almost a middle name but you can drop his off the end

Don't marry him, change ds's surname to yours. Why on earth is he acting like such a bloody prize?!

I know Brie!!! I'm good enough to mother his children and wash his kecks but not good enough to marry....nah...fuck that

If your dp is named as the father on your ds's birth certificate it's unlikely that you'll be able to change your ds's surname other than by deed poll and you will need the consent of his df to do so.

Similarly, if you were to marry your dp your dd would only be entitled to use his surname if he were to adopt her or you change her surname by deed poll for which, in both cases, you would need the consent of her df.

That said, there's no reason why your ds shouldn't be 'known by' your surname at nursery/school etc although official documents such as passports etc will show the surname stated on his birth cert.

If at some point your dp proposes and wants to set the date I would strongly advise you to instruct a solicitor to draw up a pre-nup that will protect your home and other assets in the event of divorce.

www.gov.uk/correct-birth-registration/what-corrections-can-be-made
www.familylives.org.uk/advice/divorce-and-separation/your-children/how-to-change-your-child-s-surname/
deedpolloffice.com/change-name/changing-your-birth-certificate

there's no reason why your ds shouldn't be 'known by' your surname at nursery/school
You can't do that anymore. Schools HAVE to use the name on the birth certificate. They can only use a known by variant of a first name.

goddess thanks for the link. Very useful information there.

He's an arse and I wouldn't marry him. Make sure your house etc is protected from him. Can't see a happily ever after for you.

Hmm i have to say i'm a bit saddened by this thread.
Surely, when you have dc together, you are at a stage in your relationship when yoou want to build something together. Not just protect your assets?
Imagibe if it was the other way around and a woman was coming onnhere saying she has a child with her ppartner but he doesn't want to get married 'just in case they get divorced as she would get half of the house' :(

Having said that OP, you need to see what you and your DP actually want out of this relationhsip. Clearly there is the issue of marriage. Is there any other issues that are nagging you too?
It looks like you want different things from your relationship.

3wise I absolutely see your point, but in a way I want to protect the roof over my children's head. I do understand what you're saying though.
We don't have any other issues really, nothing major. The marriage thing makes me sad too as we are such a close and happy little family but if he doesn't want to get married I can accept that. I think.

UPDATE We are getting married in a few weeks.
He asked me in his own sweet time....and when he saved enough money for the ring.
He was always going to ask, just wanted me to stop banging on about it.
I'm very happy!!!!!