i am still heartbroken even 18 months after he left!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[snowwonder]

I really thought i would feel better by now and most of the time i do, i am hoping it is just the time of year to blame but i have been so upset whenever i have seen my ex over the xmas period.

he left me and 2 dd's 18 months ago for someone else, they have recently moved in together, and yes i am very jelious.

He dropped girls back yesterday and he kissed me goodbye which he hasnt done for ages, (probably just becuase it is xmas, but he had his hand squezzed into my back and it felt ssssoooooo nice,
and then he said goodbye to the girls and he had tears rolling from his eyes. i didnt comment otherwise i would have started aswell,

I just really thought i would be over it by now and that my life would have moved foward and that i might have met someone else.

i also have to find a way to deal with it as it wont go away we will always be in touch because of the girls,

and i find myself feeling so guilty and regretting that maybe i should have been a better girlfiend to him,one of the things he said when we split was that sometimes when he told me he loved me i didnt always say it back, now i could kick myself fo not acting differently with him. and now it is to late and i feel so sad that my family was split.

thanks for listening really needed to get it off my chest as i feel so low

there's really nothing anyone can say that will make you feel better. time will help. your post sounded so sad, it is awful to feel like that at any time, but more so during this season.

take comfort from the fact youve got your lovely girls and hug them loads, it cheers you right up for a bit!

a relationship takes 2 and i am sure you didnt split because you sometimes didnt say i love you back to him and i think that is a bit of a mean thing for him to say, im sure he knew it would hurt you.

you could try to move on - have you read the couple of lovely threads on here - amanda and her boss, and the lady with the blind date?

people are out there, if you can work out how to meet them. do you have a friend who could set you up? could you arrange some nights out with mates?

i am sure others will have much better suggestions than me, but i just wanted to contribute!

xxx

I imagine that what he said about you not saying 'I love you' back was one of the things said just to make you blame yourself and make him feel better, so dont beat yourself up over it.

it probably doesnt help that i have been at home and not at work, i always find it easier during the week whilst i am at work and i do struggle through the weekends,
and it probably doesnt help as he has been coming to the house a lot as normally he picks up and drops back to the nursery, but nursery is closed until 2 jan

'and i find myself feeling so guilty and regretting that maybe i should have been a better girlfiend to him,one of the things he said when we split was that sometimes when he told me he loved me i didnt always say it back, now i could kick myself fo not acting differently with him'

I'm REALLY sorry you're being made to feel guilty by a man who cheated on the mother of his children and LEFT her and his own two kids instead of having hte maturity and balls to stand up and say, 'There's something wrong w/our relationship, and b/c my family is so important to me and I respect you as a person, let's try to do something about it'.

Before lying to you and cheating on your and then having the audacity to blame it all on you.

The fact that you feel you should have been a better girlfriend to him and then maybe he wouldn't have been a lying, cheating, immature git speaks volumes about the kind of person he is.

What a guy - talk about kicking someone when they're down!

Do yourself a BIG favour and start a new relationship - learning to love yourself for the strong woman you are, a woman who doesn't deserve a man who lies, cheats and dumps his own family for a piece of arse.

I'm not sure if this will help, but many years ago I was in a similar situation unable to move on with my life, totally and completely heartbroken and pining for someone. At the time I read a book called 'When it hurts too much to let go' - and it really struck a chord with me. After 18 months is it possible that you are holding onto the pain as a way of holding onto him? In other words, finally letting go of the pain means letting go of your fantasy and dream of the person and truly dealing with accepting what has happened? It seems a daunting prospect to imagine not being heartbroken about this person, so you keep holding on to the pain. I know it's hard when you have to see the person all the time, it would be much easier if you had some distance. The healing process will not begin unless you 'remove the knife from the wound' so to speak. You have to let go of your feelings about him for the moment and concentrate on yourself. Then, whatever happens in the future, regardless of whether you do wind up back together again one day, you will be in a much better stronger place as an individual.

thanks very much for that mumeve, i shall look that book out i did buy some relate books and i did do a relate course called new life new challenge which helped loads,
my new year resolution is to be more positive about life etc and with the girls,

and someone said to me today if you got back together it would nt be the relationship we had as there would be no trust and i know i would be questioning him all the time, and at the time i trusted him 100%

i think as well i have never actually found out the whole truth surrounding our split so i have thought up my ownidea about what went on, i need to try and accept that i will never find out the truth and move on without it, even if i asked him he might just lie.

I am going to put into place some things to move me fowrd and hopefully stop me looking back so much

Hi
As you can probably guess i am so bored and reading everyone elses problems somehow helps to dull my pain. If you have read any of my threads i have just been left by my cheating h and it really hurts. i am worried that i too will end up where you are now.
I know my pain is raw and new and i hopefully will move on with my life but i can see how you can end up where you are. There are so many of us out there and it is great to know that there are others thinking of you throuhg your pain. You sound like a strong person who has done so much i really hope this is your year.
Wishing you all the best and thinking of you instead of my own probelems.

thanks yes i have read your other posts.... when did this happen?

i think the main thing that took me back a few steps was christmas and new year, hopefully now it is over i can start going back up again!!!

yes i agree it does help to know others are in the same position a you,

i read through some of my posts on here from 18 months ago and realise how far i have actually come and that i am in a much better position now