DP and I together for 18 months, live about half an hour apart. Both have resident DC but all are with other parents for a few days over half term. DP is working, but self-employed so is flexible. I am on holiday all week. My DCs are back tonight.
I wanted to spend time in DPs house while I could, but also needed a day or two at home to sort shit tip house stuff out before DCs are back and next thing we know it's back to term-time madness!
DP was well aware of this need. I stayed with him for the weekend and also Monday night, but agreed I would be at home yesterday day and last night and today. He said 'OK, I'll come to you Tuesday evening then. We could walk to the pub!' Left for work and said see you later.
He's usually here by no later than 7 when we do a mid-week evening at mine.
So I waited. Had some food, chatted with my DSis, and soon it was 9pm and I had hadn't heard anything from DP. Knew he wouldn't be coming by this point.
So I messaged him, nicely, to say 'hope you had a good day, thought you were coming here tonight? Xxx' and then he rang me.
Turns out he worked a bit later than usual to get a job finished - fair enough. He works outside and it's weather-dependent, and he's busy at the moment, so I'm never upset by that. But he only worked until 6 so could still have come here, but fine if he's tired/needed to go home instead. Actually what he did was went to the pub after work, then home, so by that point, he would have known he wasn't planning to come here.
It's not that he didn't come here, I know life gets in the way sometimes and I'm fine with that side of things. But couldn't/shouldn't he have let me know? I mean, before 9pm, by which time I had worked it out for myself?
So as not to drip-feed, he has done this twice before and both times I explained that I don't like it, because it feels like a waste of my (precious) time.
As we are both child-free (very rare, he is child-free 2 or 3 days a week, me only in school holiday for a few days), we had planned on walking to the local pub etc last night. Not big or un-changeable plans of course. But still plans.
Am I right in feeling a bit miffed about this? His take on this is that it wasn't a definite fixed arrangement (it was. He said 'I'll come to yours) and that sometimes his plans need to change because of work etc. I know that, of course, we need to be and are very flexible. But couldn't he bloody tell me when this happens? Rather than after the event?! A simple text after work or at the pub? I'd still have been annoyed by the pub, but at least I would have known the score? Urgh.
As it happens, I had a nice evening! I'm not in a strop about the fact he wasn't here. I just think it's a bit rude.
Btw, I have no fears about him having EA or anything. I also know he was at home as I spoke to him on video call. I'm not worried about anything like that, but just think it's a bit self-centred. Warning sign?! He's a genuinely nice man, and very good for me. But is this controlling? Or selfish? Or just someone being flakey and I should just calm my shit down?! Genuinely don't know!
I've told him I think he still sometimes lives like a single bloke, not realising his plans now affect mine. He seems to get it, but just these little things like this are pissing me off!
WWYD?