I have been with my h for 12 years married for 10. After we got married we started trying for a baby.. 5 long years, 4 rounds of ivf and still no baby... It really took it out of us. Sex became a chore.. After round 4 we gave up, my dad died and we put on hold adoption plans. We were told we wouldnt conceive naturally. Then a miracle happened and i fell pregnant with our ds who is now 3. Our sexual relationship has never recovered from the years of timed sex.. We just dont do it anymore.. I have no sex drive atall. He never instigates anything. We rarely hug or kiss. Im so tired all the time. I work a full week in 4 days. Get up at 530 to get ready, get son up for nursery and get off to work in london. I get back about 7 ish.. Eat, put son to bed and fall into bed myself. Fridays im home with son and we either go to see nanna and take her shopping or we play at home or meet for soft play with a friend. I have been caring for my mum since my dad died. She is 82 in poor health and needs me to go every week to take her shopping, she lives about an hour away. I either go fridays with my son or saturdays. So i have not much time to myself really and we dont get much family time.
My husband takes our son to nursery, picks him up, feeds him, cooks when i get home. He does washing but doesnt iron or really do much cleaning. The main thing that i get upset about with us is the lack of intimacy, lack of any show of affection. Every now and again i say i cant go on in a loveless marriage but it doesnt ever achieve anything, he says we need to try harder but nothing happens. Claims be loves me to bits..
He is lazy in that respect. He is lazy in maintaining relationships with his family, his friends.. He will never instigate doing stuff with me or our son, we do stuff without him most of the time. He prefers to stay home and play boom beach on his phone or ipad or play ps4 or watch football. He will get out of coming with us for stuff by saying ill stay home and cook sunday dinner.
I just want someone to show me some love. I do so much for everyone, for him i make sure bills are paid, food in fridge, son is clothed... I look out for my mum, work hard and i dont feel anyone really cares about me. No one asks me how i am feeling.. I feel like i have to arrange stuff for everyone!
On saturday i was quite ill but still needed to go see my mum, our son wanted to come with me so i took him. My h had 9 hours at home alone (something i never get) and i got home and he hadnt made the bed or hoovered or anything. I said to him have you been playing your games all day? He said not all day no! I was like how can you not have hoovered, so now i have to come in from all day out with our son and tidy up! I was really angry. He went and hoovered but nothing else was said. He should have thought to do something more than sit on his fucking arse all day surely?
I have now moved into the spare bedroom as i have had enough of no one giving a shit about me. I dont know what is going to happen next. He hasnt spoken to me about it.. He probably wont. He just wants to drift along in life and think everything is ok. He needs to grow up. I dont see other family men spending all their time playing stupid games when they should be spending time with their family or helping their wife. I dont think he has ever really taken our son out without me! Except to the supermarket. I go out to my mums and if he has our son i will say why dont you take him to the park or go for lunch and i get back and our son will have his face in the ipad, and he will be watching tv and they wont have done much else all day.
If we do go out together he tends to ruin the mood with his moaning. He will either fight with son trying to get him in and out of the car or over react when our son is misbehaving because he doesnt know how to handle it or he will be moaning whilst driving at other drivers which is really unnecessary and i just cant be arsed with it all, i want a quiet day out but it always turns into drama with him. If he goes off on one he doesnt care who sees and it can be really embarrassing. Its like he doesnt know how to behave appropriately sometimes. He doesnt come to my mums with me anymore because they rub each other up the wrong way.
He isnt a violent man atall but he doesnt have much patience for stuff. One thing that also annoys me is that we were both bought up in council houses and were lucky for the things we had. Especially him as his mum was a single parent. We were only lucky enough to get our nice house because i sold my flat when we got married and made some money from the sale, enough for the deposit. But still he isnt happy, always saying this kitchen is shit its so small etc etc.. For his job he sees big houses with nice kitchens etc etc.. He wants an extension for our house, he wants this he wants that but he doesnt earn much. Most of the savings are from my salary. When we get things i think will make him happy, it then isnt usually long before he starts with 'this is so shit'. It annoys that he never seems happy and he seems ungrateful. I say that to him but he doesnt see it. It can be very wearing being around someone like that and i often wonder if i would be happier on my own with my son.
Sorry for the long post.. Had to get it out.