I am feeling so awful. I have a family member who is very unwell with a chronic life limiting illness but I find them so hard to deal with.
I come away feeling angry and guilty and sad and confused and its just such a shame I can't enjoy time with them. They have always been difficult. I know there's no reason for them feel this way about me.
But there is a perceptible sentiment of anger under some of their comments. But they're never out and out unreasonable, it's not something I can tackle without me looking awful because on one hand they're not overtly aggressive and because they are also very unwell.
I have to see them, and I love them but I am so conflicted and guilty about it all. I feel a fraud because I sit and listen and say all the right things but I feel I'm just acting and watching the clock waiting to get away from them.
I'm quite certain they don't know. I feel quite helpless to deal with it because their attacks are so couched in normalcy.
And this person is really ill so what sort of monster am I to even care about how it makes me feel?
This post is such a jumble. I'm hoping someone gets what I'm saying and helps me unpick it a bit.