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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

There is just no trust

7 replies

Stampynono · 15/02/2016 22:01

I don't mean in an infidelity way, I mean generally. He tells lies, little ones like 'yes I have rang so and so' and bigger ones likes ' there just isn't the work anymore so that's why I have been laid off' when really I think it's to do with his time keeping and sickness record.

I'm not sure why I can't have this conversation with him. He always seems to have an answer and it's very hard to prove that he has lied.

I could really give up and move on but my life would be so fucking hard without his help with childcare and I don't want to raise our baby on my own. I feel very stupid for basically ignoring all of this as it has been there since day one and carrying on to have a baby and now relying on him.

OP posts:
sadladyintears · 15/02/2016 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Costacoffeeplease · 15/02/2016 22:25

If you know he's lied why do you have to prove it? I couldn't live like that

bb888 · 16/02/2016 06:59

If you know to your own satisfaction then you don't need to 'prove' it to anyone else.
Life might be easier without him, and in terms of what access he had, you might find that having periods where he is with your child and therefore solely responsible at those times, might be more valuable to you than whatever he is doing to help at present.

unintendedcatlady · 16/02/2016 07:03

Hi OP. You could be describing my life currently. It feels so daunting & not "enough" to break up - I also have a baby amongst other DC. I'm planning the end though, I think I'll feel loads better about finishing it if I have concrete sorted plans (like for childcare, money etc). I find I'm looking forward to being on my own now actually, and truly think it will be easier. I guess you need to try & give it some thought - what to do - but I can tell you it is daunting but you'll 100% be able to do it alone.

unintendedcatlady · 16/02/2016 07:03

Oh. And you're not stupid. It happens. Don't beat yourself up.

Original poster
Stampynono · 16/02/2016 09:01

I'm not really sure why I have to 'prove it'. I guess because when you are confronting someone you end up going in circles with him saying he didn't lie and me saying yes you did.

I know I could do it on my own. But I would 100% not be able to carry on with my job for which I am on maternity leave at the moment. I spent 5 years studying to qualify and was only in the job for a year before ML.
I just feel so stuck, I know I need to confront this, maybe counselling would work but I don't seem to have the will to do it. He must know our relationship is decling, why doesn't he address it either?

I'm not sure whether this is relevant but I broke off with my ExH for reasons which in hindsight I feel we could have worked on. I miss him a lot and part of me feels like if I was going to put effort in to fix a relationship o should have done more then as the issues were both of ours.

OP posts:
TheNaze73 · 16/02/2016 12:26

I think trust is one of the biggest things in a relationship. Without it, i'd do the Frank Bough.

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