How do you have a new relationship as a single parent with limited childcare options?

[muminthecity]

I'm a single parent to a lovely 10 year old DD. I split from her dad 8 years ago and have been (mostly happily) single throughout this time. I have dated and had the odd short lived fling but nothing serious, and never been at the point where I would even consider introducing someone to DD.

However, I met someone lovely 6 weeks ago. We have had several dates, lots of long phone conversations and just recently spent the night together. He's the first person in all this time that I think I might want a serious relationship with. He feels the same.

The trouble is, I have very little opportunity to see him. I've been lucky with childcare so far but the person who usually babysits is moving away next week and will no longer be able to help out.

I can of course pay a babysitter occasionally but I don't have much money and this wouldn't be possible for more than a few hours at a time.

My main question really, I suppose, is how a relationship would work at the point where we want to spend more time together/stay overnight together but but not yet at the point where I'd feel comfortable bringing him into my DD's life? Has anyone been in this situation? How did you make it work?

I've been seeing a very nice man for 4 mths and we all went bowling together a few weeks ago. It was very casual, no different to meeting one of our mummy friends. He hasn't stayed over yet with kids there - I do lots of sleepovers for my married friends who also love a night out with no kids. If he does stay the first few times I will probably let him sleep on the sofa. I just feel better taking my time.

When kids were very small I had au pairs but this finished when dd was 8, so was in a tricky situation when I met my now dh. Dd was 9 and after about four months, when I was sure she was asleep, he came for a takeaway. Cue 'sobbing' from upstairs.. he insisted she come down and sit with us.. she's now 18 and has been inseparable from her stepdad since

I was gonna say sleepovers, after school clubs, or arrange for DD to have a weekend play date over at a friend's for the afternoon? I frequently do all three! I have an arrangement with another mum that we take it in turns to have the DC after school for tea then drop them at Brownies. That means on the week when it's not my turn I have a couple of hours spare to meet my bf for a drink. Sometimes it's just about taking the little windows of opportunity when you can!

The sleepover idea isnt workable if u have more than one child

I have two kids - my mummy friends are happy to have both of mine as long as I have their child - it seems to work for me.

Very good advice from Cabrinha. I agree totally that it's good for DC to see their mum dating and to learn that dating is about getting to know someone.
I am seeing a man at the moment - he has not yet met DS but DS has heard me mention him from time to time and I have always discussed relationships with DS using a framework of 'some people do this and some people do that and what's important is that they are kind to one another'. In our case DS' dad is very much a part of our lives, but he and I were old friends when I got PG (an accident) so there has been no bitter breakup and DS doesn't fret about getting a new daddy.

(Also, I am lucky and very aware of my luck here - DS dad cheerfully takes care of DS so I can clear off to spend time with the new man.)

OP, I'm in a similar situation so will watch with interest, although I don't know quite how I'm going to work this one out...

We've been together for 2 months, all is going well, and we both feel it may have a longer term future that we are keen to explore.

I have my DD4 and DD12 about 90% of the time.

He has his DS9 and DD12 about 40% of the time.

Luckily we both have reasonably flexible exes, and funny shift working patterns, so can manage to carve out bits and bobs of time to see one another, but it is not easy.

DD4 has met him a few times, but that started naturally at the time when we were friends prior to actually dating. She is the only one of the four who has met up. The older children know that we are dating, have seen pictures, and have reacted with various degrees of indifference and embarrassment!

Neither of us wanted to keep secrets from our kids, so we've kept them informed on a need-to-know basis, and we are waiting to see how things unfold and whether there are any expressions of interest from the kids to meet up.

I guess I'm most worried about the two DD12s. Ultimately, if they don't get on, the whole thing could be scuppered... And it is not within our control.

What a minefield! Would love to hear some stories from people who have navigated it successfully.