You're mad

[Isaintheshop]

End of our marriage sadly, see previous posts but big issues with control, especially financial control. Have been to see a solicitor and told DH about 3 weeks ago that formal steps were underway. Since then, living on eggshells, awful atmosphere with DH essentially not speaking to me.
I asked last week if he'd done anything about finding a solicitor. He must have told me 20 times that I was mad. I had to see a doctor, a psychologist, a psychiatrist. He couldn;t leave as he'd need to stay and look after me and I;m not capable of looking after our child.
I'm sure this is gas lighting. My friends think I'm fine, so does my mum, I continue to look after our wee boy mainly on my own as DH works away for part of the week. He can't be that worried about him if he's headed off to work. I just can't get over how much its hurt. I can't believe someone that I love would say such things.
I need to phone my solicitor again as she was planing to send him a formal letter but I thought better to vent here.

OP & AnotherEmma. This is not something I dwell on, but as a teenager I used to wish my parents would hit me. They never so much as tapped my hand, but the psychological abuse was unendurable. A slap would have been less painful

Please try to find help. Don't allow yourself to diminish non-violent abuse. It drains the life from you

Isa, as others have said, being told that you are mad is a common tactic. My XH told me twice that he wanted the court to make a psychiatric assessment of me to see if I was a fit mother. This despite him working away from home Mon-Fri for several years, leaving me in sole charge of DD, and continuing to do so throughout our rancorous divorce. If he really had had concerns he wouldn't have left me looking after her. I consulted my counsellor, who laughed in my face at the idea I was mad, and my solicitor, who said it was an empty threat which the court would dismiss as malicious and without foundation. I then told XH to bring it on and curiously he never questioned my mental health again.

I've never forgiven him for it, though. I don't expect you have a mental health problem; you have a husband problem. Once he's gone you'll be happier and eventually (after a long road) feel calmer.

Thank you all for such wise words. I have to keep remembering its not me, its him. He's even said "I'm the least controlling person in the world" which I just laughed at. (He's been reading threads on my postnatal group, since then name change to isa for this issue alone and logging out every time)

Another abusive action - spying on your online activity

Thank you again everybody. I am relieved that my solicitor is taking this sort of chat very very seriously, particularly given my job and sole childcare for at least part of the week every week.
Formal letter from solicitor now forthcoming. In a strange sort of way I hope this sort of "up front" abuse strengthens my case to get him out of the house sooner.

Glad to hear you've confronted him about this, Isa. Your 'D'H will probably back down now, just like mine did.