How to take revenge on someone who has destroyed me?

[WannaThrowMyToyOutThePram]

I have this impotent rage that I can't do anything with. It is causing me to self sabotage myself at every turn and will probably make me ill at some point.

The person who destroyed me to my very core is living life a wonderful life, not looking back, taking no responsibility, everyone is on their side. I am ostracised, in a prison of my own making, this person is my warden.

The damage this person has caused will affect my family for generations, we will always have a blight on our history. There will always be something missing.

I wish I had some power to wreak havoc on them, chuck them into the pit of hell they threw me in but I am powerless. I wish I could beat the living daylights out of them but I am not that kind of person and I don't know where they are now anyway. I mash the potatoes harder, plump the sofa cushions harder imagining they are their face, that is the extent of the violence I could exert!

It is easy to say that the best revenge is living life to the full, get happy, move on but how can you do that when you takes all your strength just to get out of bed in the morning?

I wish I could do something to expose this person as the fucked up, spiteful person they are but no one would believe me. They are held in an almost god like esteem, nothing I can say would change that because I am worthless, a nothing so no one is interested in my side of the story.

I don't believe in karma because that would then mean that I must have done something terrible and I haven't.

No amount of therapy is going to help (and I've had lots).

In dark times, I have even fantasised about suicide and this person eventually coming across my grave and perhaps feeling a little bit bad about what they have done but that really would be cutting my nose off to spite my face (!). I want to enjoy what's left of my life and anyway this person would probably say 'she brought it all on herself'.

Perhaps I should take up kickboxing but I am too fat at the moment.

Arghh - any ideas?

The best revenge is happiness.

'Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness but because you deserve peace'. I think this is an important saying.

I relate very much to what your are saying, having experienced very serious betrayals in my life. I have certainly fantasised about torturing someone to death seriously harming someone who has seriously harmed me.

As a bit of an old hand at this, these strategies have been a great help to me:

• let the hate roll. Have a hate fest. It will eventually run out of steam, though you have to be brave bcs it can take a while. Once you've thoroughly exhausted the (perfectly justified) hate, some good stuff starts happening. But all in good time! - just to encourage you that good things come along eventually but you have to get the puss out first. So - let her have it! Not in reality - she isn't worth it (and you might go to prison) but indulge every revenge fantasy. Perhaps get a timetable together, give yourself eg an hour to really get into the hate/revenge.

• learn to be aware of when you are ruminating and, if you are ruminating too much and it's taking over, you can put it on hold by saying to yourself you will not endlessly ruminate on the situation TODAY. Day at a time stuff. I have found this to be a very successful strategy.

• refuse to destroy yourself bcs she went to great lengths to destroy you. Don't add to it or agree with her by destroying yourself. Keep a keen eye on keeping yourself alive, well and thriving. You deserve it. You didn't deserve to be destroyed. Yy the pain of the situation has me you thinking of suicide sometimes and i you self-soothe in ways that arent great (low level addictions) but imo that is understandable so don't give yourself a hard time when the pain gets too great. It will pass.

• Just as cells regenerate like clockwork, so with life. Life keeps multiplying so go with it, it's greater than the darkness and presents every day: catch the wave [man ] . She may have destroyed you at one stage in your life but it doesn't have to be forever.

• if you can, keep going with the therapy - proper therapy, mind, not counseling (which isn't going to touch this stuff). Have you looked into narcissism? Melanie Tonya Evans is good on addressing, and healing from, narcissistic abuse.

• be creative in finding ways to express your (perfectly justifiable) rage eg 'kick boxing' (physical exertion) or art/music/whatever. Find out what works for you, do a bit of everything, make it your project.

Sorry to be prescriptive. I've typed this out a number of times - first with my story (too identifying) and eventually with these bullet points. Not great but I'm tired now and hope you don't mind! Wishing you the very very best. Let the hate roll until it runs out of steam - at least then you won't be turning it in on yourself

An hour a day I mean! Or week - whatever works for you.

The best revenge for me was knowing just how utterly pissed off they would be to know that I'm happy and confident. My revenge was not letting them win. I was meant to be miserable and hate myself, so by ruining their plan I got my own back.

REM said it best: Living well is the best revenge.