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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm horrible... resenting DH for being ill!

20 replies

FLAMEinEckItsYuleAgain · 29/12/2006 08:13

All those emotions there!

Both the children have been ill over Christmas and DH has got it too. I've not got it, so I'm the one taking care of everyone. This week was meant to be my week to catch up on some rest and to start to feel normal again, but instead I'm getting more and more run down. He was meant to go and get the tyre fixed on my car (because just once I don't want to have to do every f*ckin thing because i am the one home during the day) but with him wilting in bed, that isn't going to happen, so once again its going to be me out next week with 2 small children trying to get it done.

I've got to drive to Cornwall and back next Friday for my grandad's funeral and I am worrying that I'm goin gto be ill.

OP posts:
RantInEMinor · 29/12/2006 09:40

rest assured you are not horrible. i have this with my dh, loads of other netters have it with their's. I'm just sorry it's buggered up your christmas and i'm sorry for the loss of your grandad. try to rest as much as you can over the next few days, tank up with vitamin c - assuming they have colds rather than tummy bugs that is. Are you all going to Cornwall or just you?

Original poster
FLAMEinEckItsYuleAgain · 29/12/2006 10:09

Sorry for the abruptness there - DS keeps screaming.

Just me and my sister going to the funeral. I feel so mean because it is obvious he is actually ill and all i can think about is me.

OP posts:
snowleopard · 29/12/2006 19:57

Oh Flame I have so been there! Just before Christmas DP was really ill (yet again) and I was unsympathetic - because I was so pissed off at having to do everything YET AGAIN and nagged him about how he doesn't look after himself and if he didn't smoke and ate more healthily he wouldn't get ill so much, naggity nag nag nag. (In my defence I had PMT...)

He then got this terrible headache and ended up in hospital havng a brain scan! We were both terrified and I've never felt like such a cow. They couldn't find anything wrong and decided it was just a bad virus, but he's still getting over it. I want him to rest and I'm sorry for him but there's still a part of me going "I haven't had a frigging lie-in for three weeks, bastard". You just can't help it, can you.

I think part of the problem is the way some men make such a meal of it even when they're not that ill - then even if they are, you're thinking "Yeah, yeah..."

ballbaby · 29/12/2006 20:01

I have been like this! Was looking forward to an easier week this Christmas as dh had a week off. He then got a bad back. His parents visited and he got loads of sympathy and i was just feeling miserable - where's my sympathy - I'm having to do everything again!!!

ballbaby · 29/12/2006 20:03

They're not that big on sympathy when we're ill are they!! I remember having flu and not being able to get up and asking dh for a paracetamol. He threw the tub upstairs for me on his way out - how nice of him

WeFrizyouamerrychristmas · 29/12/2006 20:04

Flame, its not you and your not horrible, I too feel like this at times (I cite dh going to get tyre done last week, paddying and coming straight home again, cause they made him wait a few mins leaving me to have to go out with 2 kids the next day and get it done ) so know exactly where your coming from!
{{{{{Big Hugs}}}}}} re Grandad, glad nan's doing ok at the mo tho.

gingerrogers · 29/12/2006 20:13

As for the tyre go to google or yell.com or yellow pages and book one of those tyre companies that will fix your tyre at home. Thats one less thing for you to sort out.

Original poster
FLAMEinEckItsYuleAgain · 29/12/2006 20:18

He's been in bed most of the afternoon - had a look at his throat and it looks very nasty . I think I'm going to send him out to sort the tyre tomorrow... he should be up to it by then (local place does very very cheap tyres and cost is an issue).

OP posts:
WeFrizyouamerrychristmas · 29/12/2006 20:22

Flame go to pharmacist and get Dequadin for his throat, it'll work wonders

SPARKLER1clausiscomingtotown · 29/12/2006 20:26

Flame - just MSN'd you. Hope you are ok?

Original poster
FLAMEinEckItsYuleAgain · 30/12/2006 06:10

Been awake since 4 (oh, after about 45 mins at about 1am too), I've had a grand total of about 7 hours sleep in the last 48 hours.

He's just come downstairs to tell me he feels worse today, and gone away again.

I know he's feeling rough but I just can't do this anymore. Its just all too much and I don't know how to make it through the day. I just want to go away and sleep and sleep and sleep. I don't want to keep on.

OP posts:
Original poster
FLAMEinEckItsYuleAgain · 30/12/2006 06:18

DS has finally fallen asleep... hopefully off for a few hours sleep and will return more sane.

OP posts:
wethreebobkings · 30/12/2006 06:29

You will get ill too. Can you use his car for the funeral and get the tyre fixed on your return?

Original poster
FLAMEinEckItsYuleAgain · 30/12/2006 13:18

I don't know when DS woke again, but he came in with us, and woke up properly, and DH was feeling slightly better so he got up with him... I got to sleep for most of the morning.

I'm feeling much more sane and human now.

Still need about a week of sleep... I'll have to sort the tyre next week - DH's car isn't the most reliable of things and I don't trust it for a long trip!

OP posts:
WeFrizyouamerrychristmas · 30/12/2006 19:42

Glad your feeling a little more sane now hon its amazing what a bit of sleep can do eh........fingers x'd he's feeling lots better tomorrow and you get another huge lie in.

FlameFOX · 30/12/2006 19:47

When I came down my fiirst thought was to get on here and post or you'd think I'd topped myself!

wrappingpaperBOwZZAndribbons · 30/12/2006 19:55

Flame I wonder if it is partly your grief that is making you feel angry in this kind of way. I think the mixture of grief (that you don't even really have time for with everything else IYSWIM) and knackeredness, is bound to come out somewhere.

CaptainFlameSparrow · 30/12/2006 20:09

You're probably right Bozza - I think its all needed to burst out somewhere... normally I turn to my mum a lot - if I am tired I can whinge at her etc (she can't fix it, but it is an outlet), she has enough going on and me trying to help her, its sort of taken away one of my walls and DH has been taking the lot, now him being gone too its all sort of falling apart - I feel like I've got lots of leaks, and normally there are my hands, my mum's and my DH's to keep everything in, but with my mum a mess and DH ill its just me with two hands trying to bung up too many holes, and the water is just pouring out everywhere.

Luckily DH is being very understanding that I'm being a cow

StarrmumofRoyalBeautyBright · 01/01/2007 20:58

It sounds as if a long drive to Cornwall is the last thing you need. Is there no way you could go on the train/by bus? I know it might take longer, but you will be exhausted - especially as it sounds as if you're planning to go there and back in a day. Plus it will obviously be a very emotional day, and the weather is not too reliable at the moment.

Hope you manage to get more rest over the next few days and don't go down with the lurgy as well!

FlamesparrowThePirate · 03/01/2007 10:03

Things are a lot better DH is pretty much better, I am coping much better. Still not got the tyre yet - will go tomorrow.

We can't afford the train/coach.

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