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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

what reason can I give?

38 replies

sparkly72 · 13/02/2016 18:59

Dh has changed the passcode on his phone - what reason can I use to need to use his phone so I can check what's going on?

OP posts:

Angieyy1 · 13/02/2016 22:46

I think people have the right to have some privacy ..... I wouldn't like someone going into my phone but that's just me

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 13/02/2016 23:30

He's changed his pass-code because he know you've been snooping. I would, too.

There has to be some tiny corner of our lives that belong to us only. Not everything we do, say or know should be up for grabs to anyone who feels entitled to it.

Oysterbabe · 14/02/2016 07:07

Just leave it.
I wouldn't stay with a partner who felt the need to snoop on me.

Scarydinosaurs · 14/02/2016 07:22

I change mine when I want it to match other pass codes, so I don't have to remember so many combinations of numbers. Nothing untoward, just want things to match.

It might be a good thing to stop your pattern for checking? If you've never found anything, it's best you stop.

MaryRobinson · 14/02/2016 07:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bb888 · 14/02/2016 07:25

My phone makes me change my passcode every so often , its because of one of the email accounts that I have on it.

Flanks · 14/02/2016 07:30

If this was flipped around the responses would be so different.

If OP came on saying 'I changed my phone code and now husband wants to know what it is and why I changed it. Does this mean he has been spying on me?', we would have a long list of posts talking about controlling men, time to leave, make it clear that your phone is yours and he needs to resoect your boundaries, etc.

Instead we get a set of replies offering not-so-subtle ways for OP to get the code!

Seriously. Resoect his space. His phone is his, not yours. If you admit you have no concerns about him, and thatbthis is entirely your oroblem because of an ex, then fix your problem dont make it worse by engaging in your poor behaviour. You are more likely to do a fine job trainwrecking this relationship than anything else, because being able to check his phone clearly hasnt cured your anxiety!

Original poster

sparkly72 · 14/02/2016 18:07

You've all given me lots to think about... In the 3 years we have been together I think I've looked at his phone twice - so thankfully it's not a habit. He is also a lovely dh and very trustworthy - it is purely my hang ups from last relationship. But thinking about it - I always feel more secure when we both make a real effort to chat and be close -so I'm going to put more effort focusing on that this week.

OP posts:

Flanks · 14/02/2016 18:26

Bravo :)

Scarydinosaurs · 14/02/2016 18:42

Really pleased for you. I hope this marks a better stage in your relationship.

TheNaze73 · 14/02/2016 23:25

I'm 100% with cabrinha I'd potentially end it, if someone was being this irrational with me.

Katenka · 15/02/2016 07:00

That's great to hear OP.

I am happy for dh I use my phone. I wouldn't be ok with him trying to check it behind my back. It would be a deal breaker for me.

HelpfulChap · 15/02/2016 07:06

My Mrs knows all my passwords and PINs.

I have hundreds of numbers/email addresses that she doesn't have any any use for on a daily basis but might in an emergency.

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