Dp has decided we're not talking all of a sudden. Regular occurrence :-(

[DogsDanglies]

So I've spent all week working hard, looking forward to valentines weekend. On the way home from work tonight I called him to chat and he takes the opportunity to give me a long list of moans regarding what my kids have done.
"Right - ds1 went out without locking the door today. Ds2's room is a mess with pots on the floor. The toilet was not flushed and the bathroom door had something wiped on it".
"Right." I said "I just called to chat ... ".
"Yeah well I've been busy tidying up after everyone as usual ..."

Instant deflation. So it's going to be one of "those" weekends.

I get home and he's really off with me. Makes a sarky comment about how clean the kitchen is since he's done it (I do it too but that never gets recognised). I say "come on let's not fall out, it's valentines weekend and I've been looking forward to spending time with you". "Yes well the things I mentioned earlier have put me on a downer I'm afraid. You obviously don't care about the house but I do ... ".

I say "of course I care about the house but let's discuss it, not argue about it!". He replies "too late, you've already started arguining" !!!???

Anyway I've seen this pattern many a time before and it's just him trying to engineer an argument - it was half expected since he knew I was looking forward to the weekend. Anyway from that moment on he's done nothing but get at me all night. He's got at me for texting my friend (congratulating her on her new job!). For saying I'm going to retake up my hobby once I'm on annual leave (threatening that my selfishness will not make for a happy marriage), he's got at me for looking on my phone whilst he watched graham norton .... Literally every little thing since I got in from work he's got at me about. I'm not a soft person but I feel like crying. A few hours ago I was willing my shift to end so I could spend time with this man - no arguments, no bad feeling between us at all. Then I call him up and it's "oh btw, we've fallen out" and I have no fucking idea why. He's stormed off to bed now leaving me alone in the living room. Why does he do this?????

Agree with pp who said detach.
Spoil yourself and ignore the bugger.

is it really appropriate to bombard me with it as soon as I call him to chat?
People are allowed to get in a bad mood - and get a bit of sympathy for their bad day before they are expected to put on a happy face and chat. Just an "oh what a pain!" Rather than "I just wanted a chat", which does sound a bit like you're annoyed and unsympathetic. (If that is how the conversation went.)
The sulking and lack of proper communication sounds horrible though ... If you sit him down to talk seriously can he act more like an adult?

Google 'stonewalling.'

Just give yourself a nice weekend.
Ignore his immature bollocks, meet with friends, go shopping, swimming, for coffee whatever you fancy.
Get some nice food for yourself and eat it in front of the telly.

Oh and read the "listen up" thread in relationships

Why are you with him? He sounds exhausting - wouldn't it be nicer without him?

It sounds to me like there's something deeper that is a problem for him. I'd try to talk to him - or ask him if something is wrong - when he's in a good mood. My other half gets very argumentative and frustrated (frustrating for me tbh) when he's feeling down, which he does every winter.

Dogs

Your man enjoys treating you like this; it gives him power and control because he is inadequate and hates women, all of them. He does this as well because he can and also it works for him. You will probably now spend today trying to cheer him up or chivvy him around. I sincerely hope you will ignore him as well as examining why you and he are still together?.

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

Why are you and he together at all?. Is this really the model of a relationship you want to be showing your children?.

Is he a SAHD

Don't marry him. And LTB.

What do you actually get out of this relationship? What exactly is it that is keeping you there? Fear of being alone? Hoping it will one day get better?

The signs have been there from the start, it's never going to spontaneously become the relationship you want it to be.

How old is he op?? I mention this as I have noticed a change in my dh since he hit his 40's. He can be happy go lucky one minute then very snappy and argumentative the nxt, almost like a hormonal woman.

I do wonder if men go through some sort of change as they get older. I'm not excusing his behaviour but if he's generally nice most of the time is be looking into what's wrong?? Maybe work stress??
When my dh get his 'moods' I don't bite back, I just let him rant and ignore him, pretty soon it passes and he's ok.
Everyone saying LTB , Is that really the answer?? It's not really that simple sometimes and solves nothing

I'm sorry he's giving you such a hard time. My father was like this, sucking the joy as much as he could out of every occasion. He won't change. Please don't stay with him and waste your life worrying and anticipating his moods. My mother didn't get out and it caused trouble with her children and also between her children. You wouldn't want that, would you? I feel for you, but think you have to do something now.

Sulking isn't attractive nor does it solve the problem however lots if people grow up learning this and its seems a difficult trait to unlearn.

I think I could relate to his initial frustration. If my dsd had left the house unlocked..I would be very cross (experience of burglary too often) and would vent at dh.If he said 'I just called for a chat' then I would feel even more angry as I was treated dismissively.
He has a list of complaints which might not appear valid to you however they seem worth hearing to me.

If the sex is crap and you don't have similar house rules are you sure you have compatibility?

Why does he do it? Because you allow it and there are no consequences for his behaviour.
He has been on sex and dating sites, is selfish and unsatisfactory sexual partner and critical of you and the children.

The only question is: What are you going to do about it?

He is more important than you, op. You are off at work, living a life, talking to friends and meantime doing nothing to massage his ego. You need putting in your place once in a while.

He doesn't even care about you in bed. You're just there and convenient.

Except when you're inconvenient.

Call his bluff. Plan a weekend for you +/- kids, depending on their ages and stages (though do have a word with the one who doesn't see the importance of locking up- away from prying ears) and consider making that change a permanent one.

No point bothering with anything for him, but plenty of point in doing it all for yourself and your own self esteem.

As FarinaHuevos said upthread, your other two threads suggest the writing's on the wall.

There's only so much fire-fighting one partner can do in a relationship.
The moods and spoiling occasions with sulks prevent any calm two-way discussion.

I would say to him okay, he has got your attention. He's had a chance to be direct and say exactly what's on his mind. Now you want some answers. Time and tide and you wait for no man.

Joysucker. Valentine's weekend was approaching, how he must have gleefully looked forward to knowing he would burst your bubble. I bet he's like this on any other occasions which he knows may have special meaning for you too.

Fuck that. Life's too short for some people and situations. Id get rid, before he clouds all your good years when you still have your vitality, and you end up old and regretful