Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Has he changed his mind?

26 replies

BlitheAndBonny · 12/02/2016 17:47

First of all sorry for the long post, and I know this is a really insignificant 'problem' in relation to a lot that are on here. But I suppose I'm not sure what to do. I've been going out with a group of friends and for the past couple of times myself and one of the guys have been getting on really well, so well he offered me a lift last time. On the way home he told me he liked me and would like to do something together away from the group (we did kiss). All good so far. Yesterday he phoned and we were trying to arrange when would be good, I told him I couldn't do certain days because I was doing things with my kids...cue very quiet line, then he said quite quietly that didn't realise I had kids.. ( I had told him). Anyway, we spoke a little bit more, and ended with him saying he'd text me the details today of our dinner date for Saturday, but he was quite curt when ending the call.

But It didn't sit right with me so a bit later I texted and said he'd seemed surprised I had kids, no bother if it worries him etc.. He text back an hour later saying no, it was fine he'd just assumed I didn't.

This morning, a text from him suggesting a lunchtime meet, in a cafe.. So I just text back saying sounds great..

This afternoon, another text from him suggesting what time we should meet up there. So he's now not picking me up ( which he was originally going to do, oh, and I'm not precious..I'm perfectly able to make my own way, it's just the change that's surprising me really)

Gut feeling is I've been completely friend zoned/blown out before we've even gone anywhere, but I now feel really awkward in even going, because I think maybe he's just going because he said he would..

I guess I'm looking for opinions? Cancel or go?

OP posts:
munkynutts · 12/02/2016 17:50

So a guy is acting keen but you're throwing a wobbly because he changed his mind about picking you up? Come on mate!

Goingtobeawesome · 12/02/2016 17:51

You could miss something amazing if you cancel. He might have genuinely not heard you.

Or he could be seeing what he can get away with with all the changes and just looking for a ONS.

BolshierAryaStark · 12/02/2016 17:53

I'd go & have a face to face conversation with him about the kids. Far easier to gauge his feelings this way. You might be reading far too much into this so go with an open mind.

Tearsoffrustration · 12/02/2016 18:08

Definitely go on the date! You'll soon find out if he's going to mess you about or not - or he could be the one! You got to take some chances!

tingon · 12/02/2016 18:08

So he only wants to take you for dinner if you're childless. Then you are offered lunch as a consolation prize. Fuck that, cancel.

LaGattaNera · 12/02/2016 18:13

I agree with Tingon I'm afraid and as you said you definitely told him that you had children, clearly he wasn't listening. I'd be interested to hear what happens as I have a feeling that something might come up at his end tomorrow.

pocketsaviour · 12/02/2016 18:17

I think he's been after a casual shag or FWB arrangement, didn't bother listening to the details of your life (pretty common IME when men are only interested in the sexing) and now realises that as you have DC you're less likely to be available for a last minute booty call at 11pm on a Friday.

I'd go, and let him pay, but don't expect to ever hear from him again.

Beachlovingirl · 12/02/2016 18:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tingon · 12/02/2016 18:18

I cannot believe that some posters would go, it's easy to see how men get away with this crap.

LaGattaNera · 12/02/2016 18:22

I wouldn't go I would value my time more than than a free brunch which I could make for myself at home and save the bother of seeing him.

niceupthedance · 12/02/2016 18:22

Nah. Don't waste your time with someone downgrading you to lunch because you have children.

Beachlovingirl · 12/02/2016 18:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

goddessofsmallthings · 12/02/2016 18:37

So a romantic dinner à deux in an intimate venue has changed to lunch in a fast food joint with umpteen Saturday shoppers and his intention to sweep you off your feet with his courtliness pick you up has now changed to make your own way there?

Tell him you can't be arsed make it and that you may see him at the next group meeting - at which time I guarantee he'll be tripping over himself to stay as far away from you as possible.

Blow him out and be thankful this never got off the ground as you could have found yourself emotionally investing in an emotional bankrupt.

CooPie10 · 12/02/2016 18:49

I too wouldn't go. You know he changed his tune at the mention of kids, so don't waste your time.

goddessofsmallthings · 12/02/2016 18:52

You could miss something amazing Like a waiter falling arse over tit and miraculously not breaking any plates, awesome? Grin

Standards, OP! You set them and if they can't rise to them, they don't get to enjoy your company.

Vintage45 · 12/02/2016 19:07

I'm in the don't go camp. He's perfectly within his rights not to date someone with kids but you have them.

LaurieLemons · 12/02/2016 19:18

Did he actually say he can't do dinner now or give a reason?

Doingmyheadin2016 · 12/02/2016 19:25

Nope I wouldn't go. He has obviously changed his tune since finding out you have a child.

Scornedwoman67 · 12/02/2016 19:53

Or maybe he's trying to be considerate and assumes meeting you there for a lunch date makes it less awkward for you in that you won't have to let your kids see him or arrange a babysitter? Go...and find out.

Original poster
BlitheAndBonny · 12/02/2016 20:12

I wasn't sure if I was slightly overreacting or not, but it seems I may be right then.. It's a big shame because we get on so well in every other way.

Laurie no he didn't give say he can't do dinner or give a reason, he just changed the plans.
scorned my DC are older, no babysitters needed, he knows this too, I told him again on the phone as well.

OP posts:
Vintage45 · 12/02/2016 20:23

You're doing a lot of second guessing here OP.

I personally don't like people that move goal posts all the time, kids or no kids. His indecisiveness anyway would be a deal breaker for me.

iminshock · 12/02/2016 20:25

The man haters are out in force on mumsnet today. As always .

FFS go and have the bloody lunch and get to know him better before deciding " you're worth more "

Since when was lunch a downgrade from dinner ? It's all food !

stumblymonkey · 12/02/2016 20:58

I would say go...to be honest you and most of the posters are 'mind reading'.

You have no idea why plans have changed....you've assumed it's because he was surprised you have children.

It could be. Then again, it could be a million other things that you don't know about because you don't know him or what else is going on in his life right now.

I am all about having standards and boundaries but at least give people a chance to show you who they are...I think he's being written off too soon.

If it turns out to be because of children then you've had a pleasant lunch...no issues.

goddessofsmallthings · 12/02/2016 21:10

By anyone's standards Saturday night dinner to Saturday lunch for a first date is a downgrade, but put him to the test - tell him you can't do lunch tomorrow but you're free for dinner on x y and z nights and see what he comes back with.

WhoaCadburys · 12/02/2016 23:29

The only thing that would cause me to wonder is that he didn't hear you say you have kids. That's a pretty major thing, I wonder where his mind was when you said you have them.