client negged me and it's bothering me

[wonderingwandering]

Had to go for lunch with him, he's a big, big client and we (small company) need his money.

I am married with DC, so in no way interested in anything with this man, but bothered by the way he spoke to me. He said things like:

"Does it upset you that all your colleagues are more attractive than you? I suppose you try and make up for it with your personality. I expect you're quite a fun girl when you try."

"Please don't pretend to me your marriage isn't in crisis. Your face gives it away.

"How old are you? Women are dried up by the time they're 38. The power balance changes. But at least they start making an effort in bed, and become a bit more bisexual."

"I find my attention span for women gets smaller as I get older. I feel like shouting 'next! next! next!'"

"Of course your husband cheats on you. All men cheat. And you're getting old. I love watching women in denial."

"You're pregnant and not drinking? How boring. If I'd known I'd have got (my boss) to send someone else."

I got angry with him and he told me I was oversensitive and obviously insecure. I complained to my boss, citing these examples, and he told me that the client was just having a bit of fun, always gets personal/talks about his sex life and that most women brush it off.

FFS. I hate this, I hate that it's allowed. I have had it in the past from men too. I am not good at come backs to stuff like this, so just feel I have to suffer it now every time I see him. Or quit, of course.

We have no HR.

Has anyone else experienced this?

He was an abusive nasty smarmy arse hole, and your manager is no better for dismissing the abuse. Massive failure of duty of care. You may not have HR, but you have ACAS.

Does he have a boss you could email a complaint to?

I'd be contacting his company to make a complaint.

Blatent MRA/PUA weirdo. He probably thinks you'll sleep with him of he makes you feel like shit. Theyre wankers.
Don't have much advice if you're boss won't do anything. I'd find it hard to fight the urge to kick him in the balls remind him of his impending impotence and tell him to fuck off

Definitely keep things in writing, and check things with ACAS.

BTW, this isn't about sex as much about power. How dare you be out in the work place, thinking you've got as much rights and competencies as a real person.

A guy who does this will also not hesitate to let men of minority know their place.

Does he have a boss? I'd be interested to know what they make of him...

Hope you're okay OP/

In this day and age that is outrageous and also against the law.

That may be worth pointing out to the client and also to your boss (along with the definition of victimisation, in case your boss is cowardly enough to consider it easier to deal with you than with the client). I'd do it all in a way that can be produced as evidence, i.e. recorded or in writing (writing is better as you may need to prove the recording is in the public interest to get it admitted if you do it without the other party's knowledge).

Misogynistic dinosaurs like that have no place in the modern business world.

Someone who I would guess knows he's a 'big client' and feels, having such a whip hand, that he can take out his problems on you because you can't come back at him so easily. You could have been anyone, OP, so I wouldn't take the vile behaviour personally, difficult though that might be.

As above, I'd document this behaviour to your manager and take further action as appropriate. And make it clear that you won't deal with him again in any context.

Think about your client's company. If it's big, FTSE-listed, has government/local authority contracts or any other public, PR or fiscal vulnerabilities, go after that company.

If public sector: this is discriminatory and against the law (mind you, it would be shitty to do to heterosexual male employees, too).

If consumer-facing: this is demonstrably shitty behaviour, and if women have any purchasing power, this will annoy.

Financially, the big client may have a responsibility to ensure competitive contracts (e.g. stock market listing, government contracts). If this wanker is pissing off suppliers - or if he has ever dropped/ lost a supplier because of his sexual harrassment - that could mean his company losing money for his personal gain, not that even the CEO would be entitled to such jollies!

If the client's company is vulnerable in this way, that's fantastic. You can shame your company, too, while you're at it!

Well this is a thread for DH's hideous 'feminism has gone too far' colleague.

What a cockwomble OP. You know you don't need to put up with this though? Complain. Even if your company does 'need the business' there are ways and means of protecting you. The simplest way is to always send two people to meet him. Your boss could have a word with his boss. etc etc

But the bottom line is document it in writing, because your company has a duty of care to protect you from this shit.

You must put this in writing to your boss/company owner.

id also take advice over if you contact his company and make a formal complaint.

Would there be anyway you can have a conversation with his in line manager?

Appalling behaviour.
Is your boss THE boss of the whole company.
If not, speak to the head honcho.
Is the creep the highest up in his company.
If not, report him to his boss.

I was just re-reading your OP. I get the impression that your boss, having already had complaints from other women, still sends women out with him. You said you "had to" go.

Yeah, he knows exactly what's going on.