have changed my name.
This may be long so please bear with me.
I don?t have any friends, I?m one of those types of people who can talk to people in the playground/the park, but the friendship never moves beyond that. I?ll invite people round but they usually make up some reason why they can?t come round, and if they ever do come round for lunch for instance, invites are never reciprocated. I don?t really even feel that I?m that good at making friends online, I?ll get chatting to someone, think we have something in common, sometimes exchange email addresses/msn addresses, but generally it?s always me who does the contacting/emailing or initiates the talk on msn. I don?t like to keep pushing it so after a while I?ll back off as don?t want to come across as overbearing or pushy.
My dh doesn?t work locally, so all his friends are based in the area he works, so when he goes out, he goes out there and then comes home to me. We have no friends as a couple. He doesn?t not want to include me, but because of how far away he works it just wouldn?t be possible/practical for me to go out with him as well. He doesn?t go out that often, maybe three or four times a month, and I have no issue with that, he goes out for a couple of hours and never comes home late. He does feel guilty that he goes out and I don?t, but I wouldn?t expect him to have no social life just because I don?t.
So today dh rang me and said he?d been out to lunch with a friend of his, the only one of his friends that I?ve actually met, and that they were talking about some restaurant they wanted to go to, and dh had suggested they go on a certain Friday which is his birthday. Without even thinking about it, I said ?oh yeh, you should definitely go?. He had meant me as well, but I?m so used to the fact that he goes out without me, that I?d automatically assumed it would be him and this mate, and this mate?s partner, it never even occurred to me that he would want to include me.
Since the phone call I?ve been thinking about this, and I feel sad that I?m really not a part of his circle of friends. In fact if I met them now he would have to introduce me to them, almost as if I was a new gf, and yet he?s known some of these people for years. It?s been so long since we?ve been out with friends as a couple, that I feel almost as if he would rather not have me there, although I know he would want me there but it?s just not practical, I don?t even know if I?d feel comfortable going out with him if he was with his friends.
Am I just being silly?