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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Friends attitude totally confuses me

7 replies

Thaigal · 27/12/2006 23:22

My friend once told me that if she were me she would send the kids to their dad's house looking really scruffy and unkept in their oldest, holiest clothes and everytime she was seeing him she would dress the same...???? I was totally confused by this and just assumed she was having me on.

Anyway I've just been talking to her and she was telling me about her sister in law, slagging her off because she'd sent her kids to their dad's house in brand new clothes and she'd got a bit dressed up too (this woman usually gets dressed up just for the school run so its not totally out of character!). Anyway I didn't see anything wrong in the kids going to their dads in new clothes, my boys often do, I like them to look smart but then she started on again about if it was her she would send them in their oldest, scruffiest clothes and she would've turned up the same....why would anyone do that??? is it just me or is this an odd attitude to have?

Why would you want to make your ex think that you can't function without him? It's not as if she means she would do it to try and win him back either...just to be "spitefull" but how is that hurting him? surely it would just look bad on you?

Would love other's opinions on this, I don't know if I'm missing the point!

OP posts:
hairymclary · 27/12/2006 23:23

maybe it's to spite him? so that when he has them they look awful and people will think he doesn't look after them?

or so he thinks she has no money and gives her more?

2nervesnapartridgeinapeartree · 27/12/2006 23:25

Maybe she would hope for money or for new clothes on the boys when they get home?

VeniVidiVickiQV · 27/12/2006 23:25

To show that they need new clothes.

To get him to open his wallet more readily.

madamez · 27/12/2006 23:26

It perhaps reflects her situation - if she has kids by an ex who won't pay up, she might be thinking in terms of demonstrating a need for more cash. Of course , the sending-them-over-in-crap-clothes technique could also backfire badly if an exP decided that this was evidence of bad mothering....
You know what your situation is, so dress your DCs as you see fit and don't worry.

Thaigal · 27/12/2006 23:27

I never really thought of it like that, personally I wouldn't want myself and my boys to look like a walking charity case! do people have no pride anymore?

OP posts:
Thaigal · 27/12/2006 23:28

just for the record she is actually happly married with 2 children so has never been in this situation.

OP posts:
sandcastles · 28/12/2006 02:45

Money.....plain and simple!

Mum used to send us to dads the same. He always took us shopping, never did cotton on that she was doing it on purpose.

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