I am so confused, I really think I may need mental help.

[everyothernameisinuse]

I think i'm in an abusive relationship, but I've got nothing to compare it to. He is telling me it's all me, I am causing the problems. Ive had a really bad day, my oldest friend has basically told me we are done. I have nooone left to talk to. Apparently i'm pathetic and selfish. I suffer with depression and maybe that's clouding my judgement but right now I feel like a stray dog being kicked. I am really struggling, so much I actually phoned the Samaritans, reach out to someone they said but every time I try to reach out im either completely ignored or accused of being selfish putting my problems on other people or attention seeking. I think my other half is abusive, he will kick off over the slightest little thing, if ive forgotten something, if something is in the wrong place...I drive myself crazy trying to avoid a row. I don't think people believe me when I do try to tell them. He has left me in the past because I yawned, yes really...he took it as a personal insult, I was bloody tired from looking after him all day. He will wake me up in bed and send me downstairs to get juice or whatever he wants..im a glorified slave. I have got no friends left, they just think im a lying nutcase.

That's just the same as hitting you. You need to leave

You need to go to womens aid. Your life is not going to improve unless you do so. He is an evil, abusive, controlling shit. You have nothing to lose. You must leave him.

The picture you paint is appalling! I'm willing you to get out, escape. Truly, this is an escape. Can you make contact with women's aid and make a plan? Like going to the shop, as suggested above and being collected from there? Being kept a prisoner and controlled as you have been is very deep brainwashing and abuse of the most profound levels.

Living in a cage has confused you, not your depression. I think you'd find depression would ease and leave once you get out of there. It's a response to your situation not a first cause. is first cause. He has deprived you of free will. You said yourself you are his slave. Shockingly, this is true. Not for much longer, hopefully.

Bump

Look here OP - you don't need CBT (at least not at this stage)

YOU NEED TO WALK AWAY FROM THE WANKER WHO IS DRIVING YOU CRAZY

He is a bastard. He is using you as his slave. He does not love you. he never has, he never will. You are a prisoner but you have the key to the cell in your pocket - use the bloody thing and get the hell out without wasting another hour on this piece of shit.

Walk out the door and never ever go back to the prison.

Picked you up and thrown you...........dear god - you say it so casually and it's physical abuse just as bad as a punch or kick (probably worse) depending on where he throws you. You must be terrified of him and that stops you leaving, but there IS a way. Please contact Women's Aid and read the Lundy Bancroft book.

Do you know what's stopping you getting out?

It's really stupid actually, this is my house. I've spent all day sleeping again after I got the kids to school. He's got friends in my street who will tell him if I leave the house. I am too scared to go out but sitting here is driving me mad. I just don't know what to do at all. There's no one to talk to, the house is spotless...I'm just sitting here with the curtains closed.

I just walked to the shop, all I could hear was slag, slut, bitch. In my effing head, over and over, what my stepdad used to call me. Please has anyone has experience or just a chat.

Have you called women's aid yet op?

I called them, they asked if I needed a refuge but I don't. We are ok, ds has gone out, dd is here. I feel like crap.

What else did women's aid say? If you don't need to a refuge, can they advise about moving him out and how you will be supported doing that?

This is your house? Are you married every? If not then there may be a battle to get him out but you have more rights to stay, I believe. But are you ready to battle yet? Why don't you think you need refuge? Did you talk at any length with women's aid or did you freeze up? If you did, try again.

You most certainly need hands on advice and seriously, to repeat, an escape from this prison he has made of YOUR home. Have you talked with the police on 101 at all? This is domestic abuse, emotional and physical violence. You are a captive. None of this is legal. You can make new choices about your life and get help to action them.

You need to leave Every, you know that, don't you? What ages are the kids and do they know what's going on? You need to find the strength from somewhere to walk away from this complete asshole.

If it is your house and not his then you can get an occupation order to prevent him living there.

Are the DCs his?

You need to get away from him, and then have some therapy. Schema therapy would be good for you.
First of all you need to get away. He sounds dangerous.

Do you have a local children's centre? Where I am they are brilliant, they have family support workers who can help you with lots of different issues, it's not the same as a social worker, you choose for them to help you. Hope you are ok, you need to get away from him now 💐

Thanks all. The messages are coming now, all hours of the morning. How much he loves me, pictures of us together blah blah. It makes me so sad...I don't know how to explain...when I met him something just clicked, i'd never felt like that about anyone before. We did everything together. It should have been perfect...in some ways it was. I felt so safe, I knew he'd never let anyone hurt me. We were like a couple of kids, used to laugh over the silliest of things, we are so similar in some ways. I'm scared i'll never find that again. He just tricked me into speaking to him, making out something was wrong. Telling me it was all my fault, I've ruined our relationship. I'm SO mixed up, if i'm not a terrible person then why do my family tell me I am...why does he tell me I am? But if I am then why wont he let me go...it doesn't make any sense.

It only makes sense if you see it as it really is. An abusive relationship. A man who thinks he owns you and therefore has the right of entry to your home. Who has the right to take your phone and keys, lock you in, knowing he is going to beat you. Now he is tricking you into talking with him, so he can screw with your mind.

Your family is shit. He is shit. This makes sense.
You're turning cartwheels trying to align it all as your fault. This will never make sense but it will get you more violence and hands around your throat if he gets you to open the door to him. It would also give him access to your child should you not be learning his lessons/losing your own mind well enough.

I know this is harsh but I'm actually terrified for you and dc.

Did you talk with womens' aid about Everything? Or did you simply say "no" to a question asking you about refuge, probably intended as an opener rather than closer to a conversation. Phone them again and have the conversation. Please.

My opinion is that he is a malicious, evil bastard and you are his victim. Please escape his clutches and manipulation. Believing in yourself is a journey but until you can do it, believe us and womens' aid and the police (when you get to them) that this man is bad, through and through.

You've surrounded yourself with like minded abusers op that's why you believe all their crap, believe your own instincts

You may not be "allowed" to do xyz, OP, but you can still go ahead and do it anyway.

Your power is your own.

You can sleep downstairs if you want to. You can take time to do your CBT exercises if you want to. You can walk away if you want to.

You don't need permission from your partner to do anything.
You don't need support from a friend to leave.

You can do ALL of this yourself. Trust yourself. You have a right to be who you want to be.

I buggered it up big time again. I ignored him for over a month. Until he sent me a text saying his parents were ill (it's the truth) I guess he took advantage of my soft nature yet again. I ended up back together with him. I was so lonely, my anxiety was off the scale...I couldn't function. I really couldn't, I felt like I was going mad...I didn't know what to do now there wasn't anyone telling me what was wrong or right. I had sorted it out with my friend, then one of her kids saw me in his car and I had a text from her telling me to never phone her again. She started posting things on facebook directed at me...I msgd her and asked her not to...I tried to explain how low I was with my depression and anxiety...I said if she was angry with me fair enough but please don't keep putting things on fb. So the next day, she put something else on there. I deleted her....not to be an arse, because I really couldn't take anymore hurt. She then deleted my kids, who have known her all their lives, and one of her kids has deleted me. I'm so hurt and destroyed. My mum sent me evil texts...saying I was just like my dad (worst insult ever) a compulsive liar. I'm NOT a liar, i'm not an awful friend. No-one seems to listen...it's amazing how people who have known me all my life and know what i'm about can turn on me. So why am I posting here tonight/today? Not because I'm "allowed"...no. Because I had things on my mind, tossed and turned in bed and thought "I'll go downstairs, have a look at the laptop until i'm tired so I don't disturb him tossing and turning". What did he do? Woke up, followed me downstairs and caused a row. I told him at least five times I just couldn't sleep but no, he had a major go at me until I told him to get out of my house. What have I done? I cant make myself sleep!! This isn't fair, I try SO hard not to aggravate him, but I do...all the time.