Sex addiction? Information and advice please

[janaus]

I am after advice and information on sex addiction please.

I don't need judgemental advice please.

I have been on a roller coaster of emotions since suspicions in July and final admission of a fling in September. Been to hell and back.

I have finally convinced DH to get help. It will be a deal breaker if he doesn't get help.

Is sex addiction a real thing? Or a ' cop out ' excuse?

Is it treatable or curable? If so, how? Is there medication.

Has anyone had a partner been through this, and come out OK at the end?

I just discovered that DH had made contact with a phschologist who specialised in sexual problems, way back in 2008. Although I have no idea if he even attended a session.

How could I not know that I was married to a man with sexual problems. All these years, I thought we had a normal married life. Being older I accepted that things change.
It was really only last July that I had a gut instinct that something was going on.

Who cares about his excuses - why would you stay with him?

I asked for non judgemental advice please, I have been through it all before.
I want to know some facts.

It may be an addiction in which case he needs appropriate therapy. He needs to sort it out himself not have you do it for him.

He needs a qualified sex addiction therapist, there is a website posarc for partners

There is also a very good book called out of the shadows

But what about you? Why pander to him. He has been unfaithful. Why would you stay after that. And the poor man with his sex addiction - where is your self esteem?

Not judging, just stating facts.

And yes it is an addiction

Tell him to leave. I have been through all this shit. Stayed four years of misery. He will blame you. He is a twisted manipulative liar. I know that you'll be in shock right now.
I couldn't process it for years. It will make you ill.

If its real then I suppose it like any other addiction. His addiction is true is tragic at the end of the day you need to look after your self and very seriously consider if its best to say with him how ever much you love him. Think about the emotional damage his addiction will do long term to you and the future happiness it could rob you of. This may be something he just cant defeat. You need to consider your self as well and your future. It seems to me a shame that this addiction should ruin both of your life's.

Sex addiction is a real thing. Whether or not your H has it is another matter. Plenty of people use it as a cop out when they get caught cheating. You cannot determine yourself whether he genuinely has it or not. If he does, whether or not you would be willing to stay should be something to which you give full and careful consideration, based on you and your needs and not what he might or might not achieve in therapy.

There are two points to be made. Firstly, that pretty much anything can be an addiction and cause genuine suffering for the person with it and their loved ones. Secondly, that we each have the right to decide what behaviours we will and and will not tolerate.

At this stage it has to be about you and what you think is acceptable, the reason for your husbands behaviour is relatively unimportant.

I nearly left my DH a few times for behaviour tied to a physical illness. He's much better now and I'm glad I stuck it out but I would not have been wrong to have left him even though the illness wasn't his fault. It didn't matter why he was acting the way he was, he was being awful and I did not deserve that.

www.nhs.uk/Livewell/addiction/Pages/sexandloveaddiction.aspx