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Original poster

Really f***ed off with DH

11 replies

SchneeBallFight · 27/12/2006 08:00

Yesterday his mum got taken into hospital with chest pains and we all got a fright but she seems to be okay thank goodness and they are keeping her in for observation. A few hours after she got taken in a friend was popping over to drop off a present for the DSs so I was trying to sweep up the polystyrene that the puppy had chewed up and was getting a bit stressed as the DSs were trying to scoop it up with diggers and pup was trying to play with it then he promply peed in the middle if the pile I was about to sweep up so i shouted 'oh for gods sake' then he went right off on one saying 'my mother could have fucking died today and all you care about is making sure the floor is clean for your friend coming' then he stormed out with me trying to call after him that did he not realise that the stress was coming from something else (worry about his mother) and the floor was just a catalyst. Anyway we have barely spoken since then and he annouced this morning that he was going to work despite the fact that he has the day off. I am fed up with him thinking that I am the kind of shallow, uncaring person which he obviously thinks I am - there have been so many incidences of the same kind of thing in the past. I am very upset about his mum - I am very close to her and she has been so good to me, my own mother is dead and MIL really is like a mum to me. I am just so upset that he thinks so little of me. I realise that he is worried and stressed about his mother and maybe that is why he blew up yesterday but why keep it going if that is the case? I really believe that he thinks I am shallow and uncaring whereas I know that what really happened is that when I am stressed or upset about something big the little things get to me more. I dont want to be with someone who doesnt think I am a good person.

OP posts:
HappyDaddystuckupthechimney · 27/12/2006 08:22

It sounds as if you are both being affected, as expected, by his mum's illness. You are both reacting in different ways, he's probably as angry at you as you are at him.

You both need to cut each other a bit of slack at the moment. Try talking to him, texting him or something to break the ice and then explain how you're feeling.

LoveMyGirls · 27/12/2006 08:24

You always take things out on the people nearest to you, its hard for both of you.

when dd1 had a convulsion, obviously it was awful and id managed to hold it together until she was ok and home from hospital then when she was in bed dp started phoning round his mates to see if they wanted to come round and play on his play station - i went mad and said my dd could have died today and all you want to do is play on that then burst into tears. The point is he's not uncaring, i dont honestly think that otherwise i wouldnt still be with him. It was his way of dealing with it at the time.

I dont think your dh thinks you're uncaring he just needed to let off steam and you're close to him so he took it out on you. go and give him a cuddle and support him, hopefully you will be stronger and support each other if one of you makes the first move.

As for him going into work, he probably needs some space and if he stays at home he will be thinking about it all so prob best off burying his head in work for a bit?

Original poster
SchneeBallFight · 27/12/2006 08:31

Thanks for your replies - I appreciate it. I just want the fighting to be over with - I cant stand it when things are like this. It just seems that he misunderstands me so often and I dont understand why he thinks I am that kind of person. I am going to send him a message I think.

OP posts:
ParanoidSurreyHousewife · 27/12/2006 09:08

Cut him some slack! Yes he blew up at you but why not forgive him and carry on loving him anyway. I doubt that anything he said yesterday would really reflect his true opinion of you - he had other things on his mind. He needs you to be the adult not the child. Enjoy a day with the kids today and he'll have probably recovered by the time he gets home.

Nightynight · 27/12/2006 09:42

you dont come across on mn as thoughtless or uncaring, schneebly.
that was a hurtful thing for him to say.

I think this is an age old conflict between men and women, that women tend to concentrate on small things at times of stress. To the benefit of the men - they would pretty soon notice if the kitchen floor was ankle deep in mess and puppy pee.

For today, I would take a deep breath, and ...spoil him when he gets home tonight. And point out to him all the evidence that you can muster of how close you are to his mother.

Original poster
SchneeBallFight · 27/12/2006 10:16

Thanks for your replies - I sent him a message saying that I know he was stressed and upset yesterday and was that why he blew up or did he really think I didnt care about his mother. I havent had a reply.

OP posts:
ParanoidSurreyHousewife · 27/12/2006 12:23

Well, it might appear that you're making this about you at a time when he is upset about his mother. At least give him time to recover from the shock about his mum before pointing out his failings as a husband.

Honestly, if you manage to be nice to him for say a week you might find that you have a much nicer husband.

NOELallie · 27/12/2006 12:44

I don't see how schneebly hasn't been nice TBH. I think that your DH over-reacted but it is forgivable in the circs. However carrying it on isn't. I think the text is a good idea. You need to be communicating with each other.

And for what it's worth, I cope with stressful situations much better if there is order around me. Mess in those situations makes me feel more out of control and panicky.

7swansaswimmingup · 27/12/2006 12:57

paranoidsurreyhousewife, your messages are out of order imo. schneeby is upset about her mil as well and comes across as a very loving wife , bit of tact wouldnt go amiss. however you are probably right that her hubby hopefully will come home tonight and be more mellow after reflecting on events on his own for the day

Original poster
SchneeBallFight · 28/12/2006 11:21

Paranoidhousewife - there was not one point at which I wasnt nice to him - I was just upset that he didnt think I cared about his mum. Thanks to they others for sticking up for me Anyway he came home early and we had a good talk and all is well again. I explained to him that the root of my stress was more to do with his mother than the floor and explained to me that the reason he blew up was the same and that of course he didnt mean what he said. We are okay again and his mum is back home.

OP posts:
7swansaswimmingup · 28/12/2006 18:45

glad you okay now schneeball and that mil home

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