Staying together cos of children

[sunbirdstosoarwith]

I'm posting here because the advice I have seen given - as an observer of this site - is generally v good. This is such a cliche. Do you stay in a marriage when you are no longer in love? It's not like i'm dreadfully unhappy. We are married, with one child. I'm just hopelessly and thoroughly bored. I feel like my life if slipping away, like I should be making more of it. Like it is a waste of a life, and it wasn't meant to be like this. I want to be with a kindred spirit, and I don't feel like I am. In fact, I know I'm not. Not sure what to do as I know that splitting up will cause so much pain.

Irian - sorry to be vague. When I say life is passing me by, I mean emotionally. I find my wife boring a lot of time, as awful as that sounds. She rarely says anything that surprises me, and I find myself switching off when she is talking. I feel terrible for it.
Hp - I don't think it's a midlife crisis. I was never the hottest guy around, and I have never been particularly successful. I have no ego on that front. I had fun when I was young and settled down with child relatively late (I'm now early 40s). I genuinely thought life would mean life when I got married. This, perhaps, is why I have been wrestling so much with this decision of whether to leave. I feel like a failure. I have felt like this for 18 months or so.
Some more disclosure: there was a period in our marriage a couple of years back when my wife was pretty awful at times - going out lots (which I don't and never have minded); but coming back still drunk at 8/9am. Which I did mind after the 3-4th time. She was also - and still is v occasionally - really nasty after a drink. I have never made too much of a deal of these things but with hindsight I wonder if they also killed some of the love and respect I had for her.
dimots - I understand your point and agree re finances impacting on children (I speak from bitter experience as child from a broken home). That won't be an issue here. We have two houses, the one we live in and one we rent out. Both are mortgage-free. We also have significant savings. We are blessed and very, very fortunate on that front. I wonder if I have been guilty of staying because things are so easy, although I would hardly be destitute if we split. I'm not sure.
The idea of a trial separation somebody mentioned does sound sensible and I am edging towards that I guess.

My parents did this, they're much happier apart. I'd have rather had two separate but happy parents for my childhood than two miserable ones together.

What is stopping you from leaving then? I don't get it?

Blonde - it is the idea of hurting my child, and creating instability in his life. The clue is in the title of my thread, I guess. I read so many threads on MN where the marriage sounds awful, and the idea of splitting seems very sensible. But mine isn't as black and white as that, there is no nastiness, or abuse or whatever. I've read enough sensible, insightful comments here to have solidified in my mind what I need to do, and I am very grateful for that.

Living with a really boring person will destroy your zest for life eventually.

Do you do much together as a couple or as a family? If you do, is it stuff you both/all enjoy? Do you have shared interests with your wife? Could you cultivate some interests for the two of you?

You say that you've felt like this for 18 months or so, does that mean it was ok before that? Would joint counselling help?

Children do cope though. Mine were 9 and 11, when I left ExH. They adapted. The worst thing for me, was watching them shuffling between houses. It is an awful hassle. And I felt very guilty for that.

But I guess my situ was more clear cut, as he had cheated a lot and I couldn't stand it anymore. Would have been a harder decision, had I been in your shoes, as you don't have a concrete reason to hang your hat on.

With 2 houses and no mortgages, I think a trial separation is the way to go. But ......be prepared for the fact that you might ultimately decide that you don't want to make the split permanent, and in the meantime, it's possible she could find someone else. She as a right to move on and to not hang on to the end of your dangled carrot, iyswim.