Am I expecting too much?

[WalkingBlind]

Ok I'm over 8 months pregnant due any time now and my DP although I love him, is very immature in the "ways of the world". Basically he lived a sheltered life til he met me spending any time he wasn't at work on the PlayStation, nights out or asleep.

He can't seem to get it into his head that even though he works he still needs to help out. And he feels super hard done by because I'm laying in bed (in agony). I keep trying to explain how hard it is being this pregnant but it's not sinking in.

The whole house needs a good clean and honestly with severe SPD and a 3yr old even going for a drink from the kitchen is difficult for me.

He wants to stay in bed all day. I've tried explaining that we need to let people in the house (HV, relatives, etc) and have it suitable for the kids but nothing motivates him. If he does finally get out of bed he will just lounge on the sofa in the mess unless I turn into a tyrant

I consider ending things all the time because I'm sick of acting like a teen's mother and begging him to get out of bed and do something. But there still wouldn't be anyone to help me so it seems pointless :( And if I take a nap or anything he takes a "timeout" for the same length of time even though the house isn't even properly decorated. Also if I don't put in writing what needs done, he apparently can't remember and has zero sense to figure out what needs sorted. Like I'd have to ask him to hoover, etc. He wouldn't just do it and get it done like you or me.

Is it too much to expect him to do all the chores without me? At the minute they simply aren't getting done unless I whine and whine or force myself to do them which absolutely is agonising at the moment. My poor dog hasn't been walked in weeks because, and I quote "I don't like him so why would I". I've considered rehoming the dog (for his benefit) but partly rehoming my DP instead!

I don't feel when the baby's here he will get up for a single feed or anything anyway :/ He does work long nights but he gets weeks off in a row so he can't really complain in my opinion.

Am I being a nag? Or is he a lazy teen in a father's body

Not unlikely. Impossible.

For me, it's the "tit for tat" element that would get to me - "You're having a nap so I need to get one too". It suggests that he thinks you're out to pull a fast one on him.

Lea's post is blunt, but she has a point (and I don't claim any superiority - I had a child with completely the wrong person myself). Is there a pattern in your decision-making that you need to look at?

Wow lealeander, what a truly vile thing to say!

I think you should apologise for being so horribly judgemental.

Lealeander, were you pleased to find the OP so you could set her straight ?

As abrasive as leas post is it does have a point.

Get rid of the bloke, he's not going to step up i don't think sadly.

Why is Lea being jumped on? Her reply makes sense. Reading the OP, it's a bit like "and why are you with him and making people with him?"

He's not going to change and yes you should look at why you are with this man. You clearly deserve better OP but do you believe it?

He will not change, in fact, you will find it even worse once baby arrives - you need to decide if you want this kind of future or else break free and stand on your own two feet, you are on your own anyway.

Sounds like a man child to me. He's not acting like a partner, he's acting like your his mother!

I'd give him an ultimatum. 1 child is fairly easy, but a 2nd there is rarely room for laziness or lack of routine.

You are not his mother, OP.

You would be better on your own. He adds to the mess and does nothing that a true partner would. There is no point to him at all.

My XH was like this. Note the X. Not the actual reason he's my X (cheating scum) but I'm kind of glad be cheated in a way. A good friend pointed out that it's far easier to end it when you have a nice black and white reason like cheating, when actually the being treated like shit is also a good thing to be rid of.

So hard to advise you OP, because being brutally honest in don't think he'll shape up. Your poor dog must be going nuts. If you can't already get him to look after "your" dog, and his own girlfriend, I don't see how that will change.

One written ultimatum, and mean it?

So you're heavily pregnant, poorly, have a toddler and also have to get into a rage just to get this man to do something to help.

He sounds a cruel man to me and one who enjoys seeing you upset. Get shot of him as quickly as you can before he destroys your self esteem further and your toddler emulates him/ suffers further from living in this atmosphere and shouting/ bad example.

I expect you'll feel a lot better when he goes- and there appears to be no benefit to him staying.

Hi, I guess it is possible that your chap will miraculously turn into super dad once your bab is born, possible but unlikely.
There is a glimmer of hope there in that he is ok with your 3year old, but really he sounds like he needs a major reality check.
I don't think he is cruel, just immature and selfish. Are parenting classes a possibility? Health visitor might be able to advise re this.
You can give him the benefit of the doubt, or kick him to the kerb. Yes it can be hard being a single parent to two kids but probably easier than having to carry this eejit too.
Good luck x

OP you said about speaking to his family are you close with them?If you are and your sure that they'd be on your side then it might be worth it.
Does he know how his behaviour is affecting you?Have you told him you might chose to be on your own with the children because of the way he's acting?

Have you got anyone cloes by,friends or family that could walk you Dog and help you out a bit?I know he should be doing it but whilst he's not you really could do with some help.

I had SPD when I was pregnant with my 4th DC and I ended up having to go into a wheelchair for a while so go careful.