Sorry for long post but it's a bit of a story.
I gave birth to twins a few months ago and I'm trying desperately to establish the proverbial routine with them. Recently my SIL invited me, my DH and DC to holiday with her and her DC and my PIL. Trouble is nothing has been agreed and yet I'm already stressing about it for several reasons. One, my boys aren't yet sleeping through the night and I'm worried that the drive to northern France and back would be too much for them. I calculate it would be a 6 hour drive plus 3 hour ferry ride whuch could mean them sleeping through the day and staying awake at night.
Second, I used to get along with my PIL until a few years ago. We tried for months to have a child and sadly my first pregnancy ended in a late miscarriage. A few months later when my MIL knew we were trying again she took me aside and said she wished we'd hurry up and have children. I thought that was a really insensitive thing to say but I told James about it to tell him I was a little upset but I genuinely let it go and never mentioned it again. A few years later I got pregnant again and gave birth to a girl who sadly passed away from a genetic condition. My MIL blamed me because of my age (I was 40 at the time) and told James she wished he had married an ex girlfriend from several years ago who went on to have children with someone else. When I found out what she said I was pretty shocked because I blamed myself for the first miscarriage and was about to do the same with my DD's death when I found out both my DH and I passed on the genetic condition to her not knowing we were carriers. Anyways, at that point I realised no one was to blame but I just couldn't get over what MIL said. We had a discussion later on and she apologised but in all honesty I'm now wary of being alone too long with her because of her history of saying insensitive things not just to me but others in the family.
Lastly, my FIL is getting progressively nastier with age to my MIL. He tells her frequently to shut up and yells at her constantly which makes my feel uncomfortable. He gets worse when drinking and just spouts some pretty racist stuff too. My BIL and SIL's DC have noticed this too so I don't think it's me being sensitive.
All of these reasons make me fear being cooped up with the family in a gite for a week with no escape. I've offered to rent a separate gite close by but DH thinks this would offend the PIL. I think I've been supportive of my DH's family in the past. We've given them money, they visit our DC one weekend every month and we often go up to visit them. DH and I have already had rows about this. He thinks I'd be getting my way if we didn't go yet any reasonable suggestions I make get shot down. I dont fee Im being supported. Help!