I've been reading quite a lot of threads on here about 'infidelity' and I'm desperate for some advice regarding my own experience. Back in July I found out my OH, who i have been with for 19 years and have 2 children, 17 &14, had been secretly messaging with someone else after meeting up through a fb page. There are lots of other people within this group that he talks to, but the whole thing bothers me no end, I get the feeling it's all a little false, and they take it all to seriously. They all met up in June so this ment he would be away for the weekend. I wasn't happy but I let him go. Over the next few weeks or so
he changed alot. Hardly coming near me, hardly talking to me, always made a point of taking the dog out. Had his phone on him always, I mean always. He even put a lock on it!! This was not like him at all. I am a very persistent person, if I know somethings not right then I have to find out why. I would bring it up all the time, about the phone, the avoidance he talked me round every time. I was convincing myself it was all in my head, that I was 'creating' stuff just so I had a reason for it all. Was driving myself crazy.
Long story short (because the other stuff isn't important) I eventually found out the truth and confronted him. He was shocked that I knew and didn't deny it. I asked him why, he said he got on really well with her, that they had a lot in common, that there was 'something' between them he couldn't explain. After a lot of crying and balling I asked him to leave, he did and went to stay where he works. He left himself logged into is fb and I was reading messages they were sending each other all that night about how they feel about each other, how all of this is about to get real, how much they wanted to be together. I must also say there was a third party to this who was there, in some ways condoning it all. That night he choose her over me. He told this 3rd party person he had chosen to be with her wanted to be with her and not me. These messages went on all night, I later found out there were txt and calls aswell, so heaven only knows what they actually 'talked' about. As the night progressed it turned out she was getting cold feet about the whole thing. Messages stopped and he was pleading with her to get in contact again. She was no longer intersted. I went to see him a couple of days later with his stuff and told me he was sorry and never ment for any of this to happen and he wanted to come home. I told him I knew about all the messages and how I also knew she was no longer interested. He couldn't deny any of it.
Being only 34 I had never been I a situation remotely like this and had no idea what to do next. After talking for weeks I agreed to have him back and that we should try and work things out. Things were going really well, to well in fact, but he didn't change, was always on his fone, talking to other people from this group, refused to share it all with me (and still does) wanted to have 'his' time. I later found out he messaged her saying he was home and working on things with me, to which she replied Ok, think some distance is better for now (the same day he took me out) :O
I don't know why but it put it to the back of my mind and we carried on. Still not a lot changed, we pretty much went back to how it used to be. By December I was falling apart again. Constantly worrying what he was doing, who he was talking to, crying all the time.
He wanted to go away again for another meet, for the weekend. He told me he didn't know if she would be there, but he would be meeting up with his brother anyway so it wouldn't really matter (his brother knew what was going on). 3rd meet, again away for the weekend.
Fast forward to xmas and I find out he txt her cause he heard she was in a bad place (never mind me) he says she didn't reply, but...
With everything that's been going on, I am currently seeing a counsellor, signed off work and on anti depressants and he is still keeping things from me. Why??
After writing all of this I am starting to see things more clearly. What I fool I have been. How I have let him get away with far more than he should. Still, I would appreciate anything you have to say, as honestly as possible.
Thanx
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Relationships
How can I get over his affair?
lisielou81 · 30/01/2016 14:53
Having read p.1 I was just about to respond with a homily on how you'll "get over his affair" by booting his faithless arse out of your home and letting the ow pay for the dubious pleasure of having him suck the joy out of her life when his dick eye starts wandering again, but you've done it... WELL DONE YOU!
Reward the reclaiming of your self-respect with a much deserved 
and get back to work asap in order to rebuild the self-esteem that he temporarily crushed.
You are so well rid of this cocklodging parasite - fgs don't let him talk you round or fall for any bullshit about the biggest mistake he's ever made, it's you he really loves, nothing left to live for without you, going to top himself etc etc.
Has he left your home? If not, when will he be leaving?
No, he's still here, but hopefully within the week he will be out.
Just had a begging session 'lisa, im sorry, I love you, I'll make it all up to you, I promise things will change...
I am no longer interested in apologies, they are all to little to late as far as I'm concerned.
I'm not a horrible person, and I will help out anyone if I can, but I can also stand up for myself and be tough when it's needed.
Only good things for me 
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