Has anyone walked away from a relative with MH issues

[Waypasttethersend]

And did they kill themselves or get better?

I've had no contact with my mother since I was 15, I simply couldn't cope with the constant dramas and blaming and multiple suicide attempts. I was only a child myself. One day I know she will do it for real and then the terrible guilt will begin, but I can't put my children through the agony that knowing her will bring. It's better for them that she isn't a part of our lives, and for my own sanity as well! Good luck. It may feel selfish but sometimes you need to recognise when you're torturing yourself fighting a losing battle x

Not walked away, but definitely stepped back from my sister. 20 years of drama and self destructive behaviour, which in recent years has escalated into a couple of breakdown episodes and a diagnosis of depression.
I've tried to help and support many times over the years, but she seems to be unable to follow through any treatment and stay away from people who do her no good.
Hardest thing has been seeing what is has done to my parents who have had to pretty much take over the raising of her children, and have allowed her to lean on them so much over the years that it has essentially absolved her of all responsibility for her actions. They feel that lots of her problems are their fault for not having pulled the reins more when she was younger, and they make (and allow her to make) endless excuses for her behaviour. It's always someone else's fault.
When mum rang me with the latest episode (she'd run off, left a note) all I felt was angry on behalf of my mum and dad, beside themselves with worry again. I felt awful for feeling that way but I didn't think for a second that anything serious would have happened, and sure enough she turned up a few hours later and is now installed at my parents again for the foreseeable future.
I feel a bit upset for our DD too, because my parents lives revolve entirely around supporting dsis and her children. They love dd but their time for her is limited (I suppose in honesty I'm cross that their time for me and dh is limited too - and then I'm cross with myself for being childish).
I reached a point where I couldn't watch them going round in circles anymore. I stepped back in order to keep some kind of relationship with them all. We live 30 miles away so it hasn't been hard.
It's really sad. Depression is an illness, I know that. But I can't help her and have to think of me, dh and dd first.

No. Stuck with him for years. Looked after him, put up with loads of shit and 'mentally induced' abuse even after he dumped me. Last November he walked away from us because he 'wasn't happy'. Haven't seen him since.

Didn't walk away totally, but did find a safe distance from which to maintain contact. They did get a bit better and found a more stable way of life and way of thinking, but not quickly enough. By this I mean they didn't commit suicide, but due to ongoing mental health issues they were too scared to seek timely and proper help for another condition (cancer) which did take their life. They did seek help, but a bit too late.

I think if I had done what they wanted, stayed where I was, never made any changes, they wouldn't have found the better level that enabled them to seek help for cancer at all.

However, if I had been in a position to gravitate back quicker when they did start regaining some mental stability and support/re-inforce them in that, I think they might have been in a position to go for help with the cancer 6 months to a year earlier and that might have saved their life.

Also, just having someone close who would have gone on appointments etc with them would have made things easier. I just wasn't in a practical position to do that plus I was scared (probably too scared) of getting burned again.

But hindsight is a wonderful thing. Everyone else who knew the situation properly thinks I had no choice really, and that I made the right choices. I think if I had agonised and doubted myself over certain things less (both the distancing and then the gravitating back), that there might have been time to stitch it back together more fully. i do recognise that their actions were some of the reason I took so long to decide what to do, but I also recognise that their actions were grounded in fear and anxiety and my heart breaks that they ever had an inner life like that.

So my stance would be, find a safe distance, and hover there. Leave capacity to gradually flow back into their life if it's appropriate. Don't get totally caught up in other things and people that will make it difficult to disentangle yourself. If they make positive moves, support them once you see they are serious and gradually gravitate back.

I got so sick at the end No matter how hard I tried she (mother) still complained! I stopped buying her flowers regularly or gifts, nothing made her really happy. Other siblings are fed up and can't keep up with the sudden mood swings and attention seeking games! I got tired in the end and honestly speaking dont give her any attention. I am more happier keeping that negative vibe away it destroyed me enough.

As an individual you have the right to be happy.

I walked away from ExH who had severe depression and anxiety. I know for certain that his behaviour came from his mental illness, and that was related to trauma in his childhood, but it was damaging to me nonetheless and I valued my own life too much to allow myself to be dragged down with it.

I cut him off entirely in the end. We had no contact at all, I'd even changed my phone numbers and emails so he couldn't get in touch (and it was time to change providers anyway). Luckily we had no dc together, and I'd moved away from the area we used to live in when we divorced, so we never bumped into each other by chance.

He committed suicide a few years ago. I only found out through social media, he'd jumped off a local bridge quite famous for being a suicide spot. It's sad, but if I'd stayed with him then my life would have been sad as well. At least I have been able to move on. By the time it happened he was already dead to me tbh, as he'd had no role in my life for years.

Such a sad thread but thank you for sharing your stories.

I am NC with my family of origin now; my father was an alcoholic and my mum is, I don't know, either plain abusive, narcissistic, or delusional, certainly controlling and manipulative. It affected my mental health.

I walked away from a boyfriend I loved dearly who was a night functioning alcoholic, a workaholic and had been in psychoanalysis for five years.

I left my husband as I could not cope with his behaviour - but he has no insight into anything being beyond normal in him, it is all me or someone else. We began to reconcile last summer but I feel it is just the same and my mental wellbeing is suffering.

I am in therapy and on meds myself now, because i honestly saw it as something wrong with me; but it is not. There are things wrong with me, but this marriage is suffocating me.

I am glad that others have shared their experiences.

High functioning alcoholic that should have said.

When you get to the point where you know what is happening with the ill person is too damaging to yourself or you simply cannot do anything effective to help or care, then you have to walk away for self-preservation. Don't let anyone else guilt you about your decision.
If you do need help in choosing to do this, then perhaps counselling for yourself may help to work out how this dynamic has developed and how it has affected you may help or can help you to redraw boundaries if you want/need to continue contact

My mum has mh issues and I have distant myself from her in the last few months. I used to go round daily but the constant care she needed was too much it was making me feel like I was close to a breakdown. She would also ring easily over 10 times a day so now my phone is unplugged.

She has made several attempts to take her life, the first time hit me really hard and now I'm just numb to it. She often hears voices in her head (which she believes is real) and would often wonder the streets at all hours in her nighty because 'people where living in the lot plotting to kill her and her kidd', neighbours would constantly message me etc. Her Docs just coudlnt give a shit. She did finally end up being sectioned twice but she is still unwell 2 years on

Anyway now I see her maybe twice a month, its hard taking a step back because she's my mum but for my own sanity I had too