Finally

[Roosterbooster]

So...been lurking for ages. My DH of 25 yrs has started a relationship with ..an ex girlfriend who became a family friend and we made her godmother to our daughter. He met up last year and they slept together in a hotel.
I found ouy. Confronted and we went to counselling for 8 months or so. He reckoned I was boring etc. I'd stopped working after 9 years of marriage to look after kids. Had to do IVF as he was infertile.Moved around then 5 times...ending up in Scotland 3 yrs ago because of his job. Job had v unsocial hours and we were no where near family. We have 2 daughters. Now found out he's struck up relationship again. Texting her and trying to meet...now am guilty of trying the pick me dance. Sexy lingerie etc. Also supporting his Mum who is very ill. Can't make up mind to split or not. He's still texting her under different name and doesn't know I know...

Good luck Rooster. Don't underestimate how damaging it is for you to be in a bad relationship, especially with someone that you clearly can't trust. Freedom feels amazing.

You are just prolonging the inevitable, the relationship is long dead, you are flogging a dead horse, who would want him anyway, he sounds like a love struck teenager sneaking about behind your back. Once you remove yourself from the toxic situation you will realise that you don't want to spend what little time you have left on a man that can do this - a holiday won't make any difference, in fact I'd not be going, or at least I'd make sure he wasn't.

Stop supporting him, angry on your behalf - he said you were boring - what a fucken horrible cretin.

What is it with these men in 'midlife'. Mine says his time is running out and he feels he's just working to provide a life for me and dc's. Time to do something just for him. Even used the line..
.'She just wants me for me'....

Thanks OldestStory and Kirk123 especially. Hope things work out for you both. It is a streeful, wearing time. I know my health has suffered. Trying to think it all through and make plans means you never switch off. Difficult time as eldest DD aged 16 has exams. Wanting to keep things level for her

Society in a way seems to accept that men have 'midlife crises'. Bullshit, I say. It's just an excuse for some men to be a prick. I daresay many more men remain faithful to their wives during their 'midlife' than cheat. Of all the men I know, the only two who cheated were in their 30s. That's certainly not midlife. Some of the 'midlifers' I know have taken up stupid hobbies (skydiving or car racing) or bought Harleys, but none of them have cheated.

If you aren't ready to kick his ass out right now, at least see to your financial future. See a solicitor to get a clear understanding of your situation, make copies of important documents. Get a good picture of your family's finances. Do you know where the money is? Whose name is on what? Because although right now he seems to be 'content' to dance between the two of you, you need to realize that he may very well decide to leave you. And he's not going to give you any warning before he does, so you'd better be prepared for anything.