Advice needed for divorce after reading another thread

[NoInspirationForNewNC]

Just looking for advice really.

Was reading a different thread think it turned out to be a troll about what someone is entitled to after divorce. The advice scared me. Slightly different for me as stbxh and I have 2 children together. But the house was all his. The house was sold (repossession) but there is still £160k floating around somewhere. He doesn't have it (he is in hospital), I don't have it (my name not on anything) I have spoken to a few solicitors with the free half hours but they can't say much apart from it will cost me £2-£5k to go down this process of a financial settlement. I don't have that money. I don't have the £500fora divorce. I don't receive maintenance from ex. He is voluntarily in a psychiatric unit - has been for 3 years this march.

This sounds awful I know. I am struggling to separate the emotion from everything.

Can anyone suggest where I go from here or what I do?

Thanks

Goddess, it was this comment:

"Although your name may not have been on the deeds, any equity in the house should be split between you and your h as part of a divorce settlement. In the normal course of events, depending on the age(s) of your dc the probable starting point would be a 70/30 split in your favour but if your h's present incapacity precludes him paying child maintenance and/or spousal support in the near future you may be advised to claim a higher share of the equity "

I was merely pointing out that his condition could well mean that HE is entitled to more than would be usual.

What you said is that I really should not assume that because of stbxh's mental health that OP could go for more than usual and, while I am prepared to accept that I may be being overly sensitive, your statement appears to imply that I have advised the OP to exploit her h's mental incapacity to her advantage which cannot be further from the truth, Reality.

As it not is uncommon to seek a higher award from equity and/or savings in lieu of child/spousal maintenance, particularly in cases where a clean break is desirable, I therefore stand by what I have said and would regard any solicitor who fails to seek the most favourable outcome for their client to be derelict in their duty.

By way of disclaimer, I have given consideration only to the OP's circumstances and any opinions I express on her thread may, or may not, vary if her h were to seek assistance on this board.

Goddess Yes when I spoke to the lender they explained that, if they couldn't locate my stbxh, the equity would be lodged with solicitors but obviously they couldn't tell me who the solicitors are.

I have no desire to use his mh to my advantage when it comes to divorce and maintenance. To be honest a small regular weekly amount for maintenance would work for me. I do get annoyed because I am struggling to buy a washing machine, only just got a cooker after living here for 3 months so I think emotion can get the better of me.

I did look online so I know exactly what the house sold for. There are no other debts apart from a couple that I am aware of and dealing with. No credit cards or loans etc.

Stbxh was off work for 5 months prior to him going into hospital. No idea about his pension or what he was paid during those 5 months.

You've mentioned that the CAB passed your case, or directed you towards, a community law centre. Have they suggested that they write to the lender to establish how the proceeds of sale have been disbursed and to whom, or do you think they would be willing to do so?

Ah sorry, I haven't spoken to CAB. I will today. It was solicitors who directed me to Community Law.

The CAB don't take on divorce cases and I doubt they'd be able to advise beyond what's shown on their website.

Has the community law centre been helpful? You have two issues that need to be clarified before you can proceed to divorce: 1. What has happened to the proceeds of sale of the marital home? and 2. Does your h have mental capacity in law?

For clarification, there's no suggestion that you would seek to take advantage of his mental state nor would I advise you to do so.

As hefzi has suggested, you may get assistance from a university law clinic and this search has produced several pages of results, one of which may be a university near you: www.google.co.uk/search?q=law+clinic+university&biw=1014&bih=387&ei=IwaoVpOTPIH9UorEqfAJ&start=0&sa=N

As your h's lawful sposue and next of kin, do you liaise with the pyschiatric hospital on a regular basis and are you updated on his progress? Is there a plan in place for his return to the community?

Community Law were lovely but said they couldn't help. They could only signpost me to solicitors who could advise. I have exhausted those avenues, they say they can help but need £xxx on account first.

Before stbxh got ill again our marriage was over. In the first 3 hospitals he was in we did have communication but not now. Stbxh didn't accept our marriage was over, even in a meeting with his his Dr, named nurse, counsellor and another professional think it was a psychiatrist not sure when we all told him that although the marriage was over he still didn't accept it.

I have called the hospital where he is currently at. The named nurse/manager hasn't returned my calls. I did speak to a nurse who said he spends all day in bed, won't engage with anyone other than his named nurse/the manager (I think because stbxh was on the same level as him professionally back when he was working)

It is all such a fucking mess.

I'm so sorry. I'm sure you've been to hell and back and you desperately need to be able to put some of this behind you to be able to look forward.

While it may be different in other parts of the country, London's remaining law centres are underfunded and oversubscribed. They don't have the capacity to handle divorce cases and any caller mentioning the 'd' word will be disappointed.

I would suggest you get back to the community law centre and ask whether they are able to write to the lender on your behalf to ascertain whether your h has received the sum owed to him from the sale of the marital home due to repossession and, if so, could they provide the name and address of his solicitors?

If the law centre is unable to act on this request, I would suggest that you approach a university law clinic and outline your problem without making it sound as if you want them to handle your eventual divorce.

I find it frustrating that in all probability at least one member of staff on your h's ward is privy to the information you need and will also know whether your h instructed solicitors in this matter, in which case he will have had mental capacity at that time, or whether a solicitor or other party was appointed as his litigation friend in which case he did not have mental capacity at that time.

Thanks goddess it hasn't been good for me or stbxh. I will look into a university law clinic.

Best friend and I were talking about whether we should just go and see him in hospital. Not sure if that is a good idea. He will ask about the dc and I won't know what to say.

That has to be your call and without knowing the history far be it for me to advise you.

However, should you feel up to visiting accompanied by your bf I would suggest you regard it as a means of finding out how the land lies rather than an attempt to 'do business', so to speak, and it could be that once the ward staff can put a face to the voice on the phone they'll be more forthcoming. With regard to any questions your h may ask about the dc, I would suggest you prepare a number of anondyne accounts of their doings in advance.

Returning to the issue of your h's mental capacity, NHS beds are at a premium and 3 years is a very long time to be a voluntary inpatient which makes me think that, unless he is receiving some form if preferential treatment because he is 'one of their own', he will be sectioned if he tries to discharge himself in which case he doesn't have mental capacity to handle his own affairs and this, in turn, leads to me wonder whether there's a psychiatric social worker or similar who has facilitated a house call/visit from solicitors who were appointed to act for your h in the repossession proceedings.

If this should be the case there's no reason why you shouldn't proceed to divorce as you can obtain disclosure of your h's finances, and he'll receive details of yours, through the exchange of Form Es.

There's also no reason why you shouldn't proceed anyway, but if your h hasn't got mental capacity and doesn't have a 'litigation friend' it could be a very lengthy process with considerable delay before a decree nisi is granted.

As said before, you can file for divorce online and self-represent if you should need to go before a court - this isn't as scary as it may sound and I would imagine that, after all you've been through, you're more than capable of putting your case across.

Fwiw if you are on a low income or in receipt of certain benefits you should be eligible for a reduction in the current divorce court fees of £410 and you can find out how much you may have to pay here: www.gov.uk/court-fees-what-they-are