How have others celebrated their divorce coming through

[devasted]

Hi just wondering that really how have people celebrated getting divorced. I went to my solicitors yesterday and filed for divorce, am not expecting my ex to make it easy and im sure there is going to be difficulties along the way.

And although it is not what i wanted at first or expected i realise now he is a massive twat and just how abusive and controlling he was throughout the marriage. And that actually it is the right thing that we get divorced.

It felt strange handing over the marriage cert and thinking back to our wedding day but i wanted to know how others felt and celebrated when they went through this process.

Why, Withyourkiss? No-one goes through divorce lightly.... It's bloody horrible for most. I for one was very glad when it was all over, so yes, I did 'celebrate' in my own way.

Had a coffee with the ex who had come to look after poorly DS as I went to court to get the DA there and then. We discussed that this was it etc. I then went to work and colleague had baked a cake, went out that night with friends. Ex DH had the DC that weekend and then we shared care.

Thanks all for replying, i get that some people wouldnt view it as something to celebrate and each to their own.

With my stbxh with the way he has behaved im determined to view it in as a positive and not a negative.

Acrossthepond your post struck a chord with me and i get the celebrating that his debts are his now. And his problems that he involved me in are all his now and i dont need to listen or put up with that shit anymore.

Oh yes! Rather like cutting a kite string and soaring away into the sky. We didn't have children so it was easy to completely cut him out of my life.

I was a bit at times when for a few years after the divorce people seemed genuinely surprised that I hadn't spoken to him 'lately', that I didn't keep in touch with an ex-husband. Why on earth would I want to 'keep in touch' with an arsehole?

It's been 35 years, never seen hide nor hair of him. And life has been wonderful.

Mine I guess this was not a good thread for me to comment on cos I am getting married in June and heaven forbid if we get divorced I just cannot imagine any circumstances where I would celebrate it.

I understand the relief at the ending of all the stress which goes with a divorce. My fiance is divorced and I know he would have felt it disrespectful to his ex-wife if he had 'celebrated' their marriage being over.

I guess in acrimonious circumstances the view may be different.

I went to the court and picked up the decree absolute myself. Then made my way to John Lewis, had a mini makeover and bought all the make up. The woman on the counter asked me what the occasion was and I ended up telling her. She said, you should go and celebrate with a glass of wine. I met up with friends and we all laughed about it. Apart from that, I agree it was an anti-climax.

I shared a bottle of champagne that I had had for many years with DP.

I had been separated 4 years already, and paid for the divorce myself after ExH dragging his feet more than once. Took six months from forms in to absolute. The absolute came through between christmas and new year so was like a whole new start.

I did a happy dance and drank champagne.

I am mid divorce (nisi) filed. We still have financial and residency to resolve. I am in an EA relationship and if I manage to make it through then I won't celebrate, but will thank the family and friends who are holding my hand through this terrible time.
IMO there's nothing to celebrate about the ending of what was meant to be something wonderful for life, but I accept life doesn't always go to plan and I will look forward to a happier future.

I had champagne with friends. Didn't feel remotely sad ...... only that I'd wasted so much time.

I don't see why it can't be celebrated.

You celebrate every other big change in your life.

New babies.
Marraige.
Engagement.
Even death, although not a celebration, is often toasted with champagne at a wake with friends .

For me, I never got married to get divorced. I never envisaged my husband leaving me.

But he did.

And in the four years between that and my divorce, I changed my whole life. I look different, I have a different career, I'm a bloody good person.

And that divorce (which I fought hard to get on the grounds which I felt it should be, not just standard separation) was a huge acknowledgment to the new part of my life, and bloody good times.

Divorce is not the end. It's not something to be mourned. It's a bloody beginning of the rest of your life.

And I celebrated that.

Selfloathing - no one celebrates the end of a war?! I think all the parties and photos of 1945 say different tbh.

Perhaps I all feel different in time.

tbtc20 there's no right or wrong in this situation. Don't ever feel that you 'have' to want to celebrate the end of a marriage. You don't. Your sadness is 1000% as valid as my joy was.

I think by the time it's all over, though, you may feel less sad. At least I hope so.

*I was actually really upset and cried buckets when the divorce was finally finished. It was weird as I was very pragmatic about the split, it was pretty amicable and I was glad it was over. Loads of people where all 'yay, congratulations' about it and it annoyed me because I didn't feel it was something to celebrate. It's not something to regret either, I was just, sort of, deflated? Ultimately I also felt utterly exhausted and drained by the process and whilst I was relieved it was over I think I needed time to regroup and think about things.

I'm just saying this because these things are funny and can hit you in strange ways. I had expected elation and felt quite the opposite*

I will never get to being divorced though I am separated and always will be. But I know that if I ever did get a divorce I would feel the same way you did. I don't think I would or could ever celebrate it because the pain of all the goings on in the marriage would always be there even if they were in the past. There's also my children. I'd be loathe to celebrate the end of something that had brought such so much love and happiness into my life. It would be as if I was sorry the marriage had ever happened in the first place. Im not and never will be but I know I had to make the choice I did.

I was actually really upset and cried buckets when the divorce was finally finished. It was weird as I was very pragmatic about the split, it was pretty amicable and I was glad it was over. Loads of people where all 'yay, congratulations' about it and it annoyed me because I didn't feel it was something to celebrate. It's not something to regret either, I was just, sort of, deflated? Ultimately I also felt utterly exhausted and drained by the process and whilst I was relieved it was over I think I needed time to regroup and think about things. I'm just saying this because these things are funny and can hit you in strange ways. I had expected elation and felt quite the opposite

I will never get to being divorced though I am separated and always will be. But I know that if I ever did get a divorce I would feel the same way you did. I don't think I would or could ever celebrate it because the pain of all the goings on in the marriage would always be there even if they were in the past. There's also my children. I'd be loathe to celebrate the end of something that had brought such so much love and happiness into my life. It would be as if I was sorry the marriage had ever happened in the first place. Im not and never will be but I know I had to make the choice I did.