Can "no spark" develop into Love?

[tobbay]

Has anyone ended up in love with someone where there was no spark or physical attraction at the start?

Personally, no (then again I've only had a handful of relationships) but my friend didn't fancy her man at first now they are living together with a child.

I think there are different types of sparks. There's the infatuated, sexual chemistry type of spark. I experienced it at age 20 and it was incredibly destructive - the most destructive relationship I ever had. Heavenly high and then absolute pit of despair when it all (inevitably) went tits up.

Then with DH there was more of a mental spark - hard to explain but I knew very quickly that I wanted to be with him. It was completely different to any other relationship I'd had and while I was attracted to him it wasn't 'limerence' - I think that's the term I've read on here - for the mad, awful, crazy-making, obsessive sexual chemistry you can have, even with a person you don't like.

I think it can and I think I've just made a big mistake with this. I was in a very passionate, sexually charged relationship with a man who messed me around but was kind of addictive and then he left me and I began to see another man who I had known a while as a friend and felt no attraction to but soon after we started seeing each other quite a strong spark started to develop. However, the first man decided he wanted me back and my feelings towards him completely overrode the new one and I just dropped him and went back. It was really stupid as the second man was actually a nice, kind person who I got along with very well in a way I've not really had before in my previous volatile yet passionate relationships. Now I'm back in a cycle of break up, make up with the first man and have blown it with the second-quite rightly so. What a fool, as I am in a situation where I'm highly unlikely to meet anyone else for a long time to come.

Yes, definitely. But it's a different type of relationship.

My partner and me were good mates for several years before we got together. There was never a spark, no hearts & flowers, no butterflies in the tummy, no walking-on-air feeling, no passionate, shag-one-another's-brains-out phase.

When we got together as a couple, it was like we had been married for 10 years from the start. In a good way, I should emphasise. Now, my partner is still my best friend and neither of us has had to realise that they don't actually like the person they used to fancy so much.

Having experienced a more conventional type of romantic relationship in the past, I think that 'marrying your best mate' can work, but it isn't for everyone.

Depends what is meant by 'spark'.

Depends on who you are.

I'd say it's not likely to last the distance if there is no physical attraction at all TBH.

Plus going for a 'stable nice guy' that you have no physical attraction to is quite common after a relationship/a serious of relationships with someone who has treated you badly and messed you around but with whom there is a powerful attraction to.

It's a mistake.

You don't need to be with anyone at all. Why settle either for a guy who is attractive but a shit or a guy who you aren't attracted to but is nice?

A relationship should have equality at it's heart and neither of those options really does in most cases.

Not having a spark doesn't work for me. I have tried dating men I liked but wasn't attracted to. I found that doing anything physical, even just kissing, was not enjoyable and anything else was just a non-starter. It doesn't have to be all-consuming passion but there does have to be a 'yeah, I would' sort of feeling at least! Relationships that start with a spark aren't doomed and ones that don't aren't guaranteed success.

But it doesn't mean "settling" or never having a spark. In my case, I gave it a chance and the spark grew and now he's the love of my life. I was basing what I was looking for on past men who hadn't worked out. DH was left field and completely not who I was looking for, but then he became everything I needed and wanted, and I wouldn't swap him for anyone.

I didn't settle, I just had my head turned as if the universe was saying "How about this one? You hadn't thought of looking here had you?"

I love him, I fancy him and I think I've hit the jackpot, but if I hadn't given it a chance for three or four dates I would have missed the best thing that ever happened to me.