Hi, this is probably going to be long sorry. I don't really want a bunch of LTBs, I just want to get it off my chest and maybe some advice or your own experiences.
Dp moved up here to be with me (15.5 years ago) It all happened pretty quick. I was only 18, he was 20, we were in love etc. Got our own place had dc1 after 4 years then dc2 and 3 came along. The problem is, as he has gotten older, he has just kind of given up. He is negative all the bloody time, definitely glass half empty type, whereas I'm the opposite. He doesn't do anything with us as a family (except odd meals out) I take the dc places on my own. We have our 1st family holiday abroad booked for May and he's just told me he doesn't want to come. The dc, I think, don't particularly like him. If they want, say, a packet of crisps off the top of the fridge. Instead of asking their dad to get them down, who is in the sitting room, they will come upstairs to ask me (they have learnt he'll say no)
He refuses to learn to drive, eventhough he gave up his job to become self employed in a job which needs driving, so I'm driving him about his jobs (and also helping with them and doing all admin etc) He also works the least amount of hours he can get away with.
He won't answer the phone or door. He doesn't really leave the house except from work or the odd occasion we have a meal out. His poor mum never gets a call, he's not spoken to her since Christmas. (I think she's seeing how long it takes him to call tbh)
He washes up and vacuums and puts bins out once a week, and thinks thats him done (remember we work the same hours in same job) All meal planning, shopping and cooking is done by me. Yet he's always moaning he doesn't fancy what I'm making, yet offers no ideas of his own.
If I'm honest I do want out of the relationship, but I'm too soft as he will have nowhere to go. I don't think he would go back home (his brothers would have his life i think) He is not able to ring places to enquire about things such as a place to stay or even gas/electric etc I couldn't even move out with the kids as he wouldn't be able to stay in a 3 bed HA house on his own as he'd have no job (if I'm not there to drive him) to pay the bedroom tax (and why should I uproot the dc?)
I just feel trapped. We are no longer intimate, months can go by as I just don't find him desirable due to his neediness. We sit in seperate rooms all the time. If I do sit in the sitting room, he causes an argument of some sort over something trivial (like the dog wont settle cos he doesnt allow her on the sofa)
He would not go to the doctor at all. I actually think he may be depressed which is another reason I feel guilty. I am trying to "fix" it by trying to go back to how we were, but he's not trying.
On the flip side, I'm not perfect. I guess I do nag and I am crap with money so we're in a bit debt. I am very close with my brother (who dp dislikes) so he gets jealous if I do him a favour. Or offer to watch my nephew (who i love to bits) That causes a lot of arguments too, but I'd prefer to be in my dbs company than his as he is just so depressing.
Well that was epic. Thanks if you have read all that. I've probably missed bits out but I'll add them if/when i remember them.