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Original poster

MIL bought her hairdressers unborn GC a Christmas gift, while staying with us when our DC was born - DC got nothing!

14 replies

BaileysMilkshake · 21/12/2006 22:17

That's about it really.

She was with us to look after DC1 when I went in to hopsital to have DC2.

She popped to the shops one day and came back with 2 baby grows, a rattle and a photo frame for this child and his granny to be.

She's gone home now, but as yet she has bought her new GC nothing more than a Christmas card!!

OP posts:
MrsSpoon · 21/12/2006 22:22

Grrr, grrr, grrr, drives you nuts doesn't it!

I have a similar tale about my IL's who took time off work and stayed overnight for their friends' daughter's wedding yet when DH and I got married they had to go early as they were working the next morning and couldn't possibly stay over.

smartiepartie · 21/12/2006 22:23

MsIL never fail to amaze me. One day I may be one - I am saving up all these appalling things that I hear about on Mumsnet - and if I really hate my DIL I may live to see her posting here.

You never know, she may have set DC2 up a secret trust fund or something! we can all live in hope!!

marymillington · 21/12/2006 22:24

weird weirdy weirdness

Original poster
BaileysMilkshake · 21/12/2006 22:29

That's just it, she started saving for DC2 as soon as she knew we were PG, as she has done with DC1 and my DN's. So it's not like she's not interested or doesnt care

She doesnt have plastic or a chq book, so came to stay with a set amount of money, she bought DC1 a couple of little bits when here, but was just amazed there was not even a packet of bibs or some socks for DC2.

OP posts:
dmo · 21/12/2006 22:36
Shock
marymillington · 21/12/2006 22:51

well in that case, she probably just thinks that you have all the basics covered and she'd rather put money aside for him instead. and the LO will never know or care.

though she must be very strongwilled to resist buying anything.

Original poster
BaileysMilkshake · 22/12/2006 12:09

Good in theory - however she was here when we bought DS home and having a DD previously we had no blue clothes for him and only a small selection of white vests and babygro's which being a long baby he was outgrown the babygors before we got him home - his feet and legs were too long and they made him look like a little froggy.

OP posts:
FioFio · 22/12/2006 12:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SmileysPeople · 22/12/2006 12:36

Similar sort of thing with mine. they loved Ds1 but never really been that bothered about DS2. Lost the novelty factor?
And it's MUCH more importsnt to them to be seen to be lovely generous caring people by people outside the family.
hairdressers, neighbours, shop assisstants waitresses all get the full charm....they save the morose 'what's the point attitude?' for us

Original poster
BaileysMilkshake · 22/12/2006 12:41

Well I did'nt think they would be like that towards him as he is the first and only GS they will get.

Both me and SIL have said no more children, we have two each and have had our share of problems either getting PG or staying PG so we dont want to push our luck.

Then again pehaps as she only had boys herself she's not bothered with another 'blue baby', although both her and FIL had a bit of a weep when we told them it was a boy!

Who knows what goes on uin her head - perhaps she has waited to get home and go shopping when she has some more money or FIL to help her choose - I could be doing her a dis-service - but it just seemed so odd!

OP posts:
SmileysPeople · 22/12/2006 12:45

Weeping with joy or disappointment?

frogs · 22/12/2006 13:35

Erm... I think you've got this out of proportion.

Your MIL has given you her time by looking after your child, enabling you to concentrate on the newborn while she spends quality time with your eldest. She's building up her relationship with your DC1 and helping ease him into big brotherdom. She's presumably also been helping you around the house. And you know she's set up a savings account for him. But you're somehow offended that she didn't go out and buy an £8.99 babygrow that he'd grow out of in 6 weeks? I don't get it, myself.

My mum is tight as a gnat's arse, partly because they are genuinely a bit short of cash and partly because she has weird spending priorities. The presents she gives my children tend to be tiny -- ds's christmas present from her this year is a set of audio CDs of Roald Dahl stories which I happen to know were a freebie from the Torygraph. But so what? He won't care how much she spent on it. Far more important is the fact that she comes to stay with us to help me out, spends endless hours reading the children stories, has them to stay at her house and spends even more hours building bonfires with them, planting and harvesting vegetables, baking cakes and taking them to the beach. They'll remember that long after the £4.99 present is in a landfill site.

I'm guessing she gives stuff to her acquaintance's child precisely because they are only acquaintances. But it sounds as if she's making a genuine effort to give your children something much more valuable. I'd be grateful, not grumpy, tbh.

Original poster
BaileysMilkshake · 22/12/2006 20:35

Frogs, not grumpy - just surprised!

And you assume wrongly - she did not help around the house, she did'nt cook a meal for anyone but herself except when she was on her own with her DD. And I stood yesterday and did 3 weeks worth of ironing, she in fact she spent most of her time here comparing my routines to my SIL and commenting to all our visitors about how I am more independant than SIL because I wanted to continue to dres DC1 and change DC2 myself.

Dont get me wrong, I never asked her here for help with housework - she was literally asked to come just to makesure DC1 was happy while mummy and daddy were atthe hospital!

And she did exactly that, which I am and will always be very grateful for.

But she is not without her motives and even DH commented that her main reason for agreeing to come was because she would be the first person in the family to see and hold DC2. As she never forgave my DM for that having that with our DC1, even though my mum has since passed away.

For instance, when I M/C earlier this year she refused to come and look after DC1 because my SIL was PG and may have needed her help, despite the fact my SIL tells me she does'nt ask her round her house everyday. She did'nt care then that her son was torn between his wife in hospital for week and his child needing his attention and reassurance while her mummy was away - and that he was still trying to work full time. On that occassion it was a case of sorting it out for ourselves and making the most of our friends who are our biggest support network!

OP posts:
drosophila · 27/12/2006 10:52

I don't think you can ever really convey on a thread the dept of hurt and disappointment when a relative of your child (MIL) treats your child less favourably than others.

Frogs was simply making a few asumptions based on her own life and understandably applying them to your situations. Thing is you know your MIL you see the body language and hear the comments that in isolation mean nothing to others. Do you ever feel like asking her a blunt question?

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