I feel so broken right now I do not know what to do..
I feel too ashamed and embarrassed to talk about this with anyone in my life.
so I don't know where else to turn but here.
the last few months have not been great
Back in November
my partner was very moody, depressed.. he would bite my head off..
completely neglected and ignored me no matter what I try..
we haven't had sex in 2 months..
I told him that I wanted to go to a hotel for a night.. he said no
I snapped and asked him why he is so f*ing frigid..
he responded with ' maybe I don't want sex.. maybe I have no sexual desire'
I was gutted...
One Friday nightin beg November we went out and it was awful..
he was so moody and unhappy and every time i tried to hold his hand or touch him
I was pushed away and told him he doesn't feel like it.
I snooped in his emails as soon as he was asleep..
and yes, I know that was wrong.. but I had a gut feeling something was going on and I needed to know.
I checked both of his emails.. and in the second one in the sent folder.
I found that he had replied to two personal ads on craigslist..
first one was 'looking for a third male to join male and female..
second ad was MMF seeking male..
he replied to those ads.. while I was out at a restaurant celebrating my mother's birthday..
telling those people that he was interested etc and to reply to him as they wouldn't be disappointed..
I went beserk..
he told me he was just curious.. and because he didn't actually physically do anything. he didn't think that he had done anything wrong..
I don't agree and things since haven't been the same
I don't feel the same towards him and I have zero trust in him.
he started acting distant again and yes I snooped.
I went through his emails..
and there was an email from naughtydate.com
I went to the site and typed in the screen name and POP his face shows up
he has made a profile on this site
again he claims
I was just curious as to who and what was out there.. I don't want to meet someone else..sorry
I have a problem with porn and I'm sorry.
that's it...
I haven't cried, yelled, screamed
I feel dead inside..
I feel like I don't know if I love him anymore..
I understand that he has huge intimacy issues.. and I always feel like I'm kept at arms length..
he is very shut off emotionally
but he swore black and blue that he would never ever do this again and he has..
i don't believe that he was just looking..
he doesn't at all seem sorry and is doing nothing to fix any damage he has caused..
he doesn't seem to care.
why is he doing this?
why???????????
what the hell do i do now?????
instead of turning to me.. he does this crap
why????