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Original poster

How to approach this...if at all?

24 replies

DetentionGrrrl · 21/12/2006 20:45

Not long after my DS was born, a couple moved in next door, the girl was heavily pregnant and had her baby not long after mine. I popped a card in to welcome them to the street, and we had a thankyou card back.

I've seen her and the baby very little- i know that shortly after he was born, he had to have a heart op in London, and some nights i can hear him crying through the walls, so i think he's a fretfull little thing.

Anyway- i put a Xmas card through her door saying to have a lovely 1st Xmas as a family, and we got one back tonight signed only from her and the baby - we haven't seen any sign of the Dad for a while, and it looks like he's left.

I like her, although i don't know her very well, and i'd like to let her know that if she need anything over Xmas / at all, she can call on us, but i don't know how to approach it. I don't want her to feel i'm being nosy and acting out of pity.

Any ideas ladies?

OP posts:
southeastastra · 21/12/2006 20:47

would you feel ok to just knock and say hello?

ItalianJob · 21/12/2006 20:47

Invite her over for coffee one morning?

TinsellyRhino · 21/12/2006 20:49

you could invite her over for xmas drinks or mince pies or something and then you could make her see your there for her by chatting to her rather than trying to word it.

but then if she says no that makes it difficult

but if she says no you could say 'well pop in anytime' or'let me know if you need anything'

I think that if I was her I wouldn't mind if it was obvious that you thought I needed help. I would appreciate having you to help if I needed it.

BettySpaghetti · 21/12/2006 20:49

Could you pop round with some mince pies/fudge/cake as you've "cooked too many" and thought it would be a shame to waste them.

You could then ask if shes around over Christmas and invite her to drop by for a drink. By being approachable she will hopefully feel she can talk to you if she needs to.

whenevilgotstuckupthechimney · 21/12/2006 20:50

take her a plate of mince pies or something and start a "you're welcome to pop over whenever etc ..." convo maybe? lucky her to have sucha a thoughtful neighbour

KezzaG · 21/12/2006 20:50

how nice of you to care. I would knock on her door and invite her for coffee. At worst she will be offended (unlikely I think) and at best she will be very pleased to have a friend and good neighbour. If she is offended you wont have lost anything anyway, but you could potentially make a difference to her enjoyment of christmas.

santasdoingtheironing · 21/12/2006 20:50

Christmas is a brill time to invite someone over ie festive drink mince pie or whatever.
It would be to think of your neighbour all on her own

whenevilgotstuckupthechimney · 21/12/2006 20:51

great minds eh?!

adamadamum · 21/12/2006 21:00

Please, whatever way you chose to do it, call on her! I wish you were my neighbour. I am on my own now, have 2 pre-schoolers, my girl has special needs, and I am really, really down. Most of my neighbours are nice, but generally "keep themselves to themselves". I wish they wouldn't! My neighbours on one side give my kids Christmas and birthday presents, and are always happy to chat over the front garden fence, and even helped me get back in when we recently got locked out. All fantastic. But I wish they would pop around to say hello! I guess people just don't do that so much anymore, but it's such a shame. Especially when you are alone.

Bekks · 21/12/2006 21:09

I'm on my own too and the only close neighbour that I really have very much to do with is a single mum too - it's easy to feel that you don't want to intrude on other people's family time when they're in couples and weekends and holidays can be particularly difficult unless you know people well. I think invite around for coffee too - I wouldn't really care whether someone did it out of pity or not initially if I got a new friendship out of it!

adamadamum · 21/12/2006 21:16

Trouble is, she might not want to intrude on your family! I know I am like that, I always feel awkward popping in to see anyone that's not on their own. But maybe if you suggest/agree a time so she feels genuinely invited, she might feel more welcome and not worry about intruding. That's how I'd feel if my neighbours invited me anyway.

Floatinginthemoonlitsky · 21/12/2006 21:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
DetentionGrrrl · 21/12/2006 21:39

Perhaps i'll knock tomorrow and just say that we're in over Xmas and she's welcome to pop in if she fancies a coffee or she's run out of baby wipes or something. I passed her in the street earlier and she looked quite sad.

Hope i'm feeling brave tomorrow, i can be a bit shy on times!

OP posts:
sorkycake · 21/12/2006 21:51

How lovely of you to have even noticed never mind contemplate helping her. Seems to be a rarity these days. Reminds me of that sad story a while back about the mum who died with a toddler in the house and noone noticed, even though he was posting the mail back out of the door.
It's not just the elderly we should be looking in on. I'm going to knock on each of the six doors in my street when delivering cards tomorrow, instead of just pushing them through the letterbox, see how everyone is as well, you've inspired me!

smartiepartie · 21/12/2006 22:19

Invite her over for something specific - would you like to pop in for coffee tomorrow morning/tea tomorrow afternoon/walk to the park with me this lunchtime. If you say 'sometime' she won't know when and may think you;re not really that interestd. If she can't make it, give her a specific alternative. If she still says no, ask her to suggest something. If she still says no she may really not be interested. OR go round and ask her for some babywipes/a cup of sugar/whatever. Make it specific. I hope you become friends.

adamadamum · 21/12/2006 22:28

Sorkycake what a lovely thing to do. Not everybody is as happy and with a house full of visitors as they may seem, as you realise. I have had such bad times recently that I have contemplated suicide (It won't happen for reasons mentioned below). But I can go for 3 days without anyone knocking on my door. Also I had a DVT when I was pregnant with my girl, and though unlikely, it could maybe return and i could become seriously ill and unable to phone for help, and I worry about how my kids would survive. The thought of them doing without even water, never mind food and nappies, for several days, is really worrying. It is certainly not just OAPs that people should maybe pop in on, and absolutely not just at Christmas.

Original poster
DetentionGrrrl · 31/12/2006 04:30

Well, i was too shy to go over before Xmas- and i think she was away anyway- so i popped a note through her door last night asking her to join us tonight as we're having some friends over for a quiet New Year get together. Hopefully she can make it- or at least know i'm friendly!

OP posts:
mamama · 31/12/2006 04:42

That sounds lovely. And if she doesn't come, I'd ask her again, just for coffee with you & the babies perhaps. I'd be so pleased if someone noticed I could do with a bit of company but am often not brave enough to join a group of strangers.

She's very lucky to have a neighbour like you.

welliemum · 31/12/2006 04:47

What a nice thought.

Just an idea: can you turn it around a bit and make it seem that you're the one who would love a bit of company?

She might feel more comfortable about making a plan to meet if she feels she's doing you a favour rather than being pitied iyswim.

mamama · 31/12/2006 04:52

I definitely agree with Welliemum - if you make it sound like she;d be doing you a favour, it might make her feel better about it.

Also, the fact that she sent you a card with the 2 names on means that she is telling you that something has happened. I bet it was really hard for her to write them. I didn't send christmas cards this year as I didn't want anyone to notice DH has gone - in fact, he has been gone for 5 months & I don't think any of my neighbours have noticed!

Original poster
DetentionGrrrl · 31/12/2006 04:58

I thought i might say that i get bored at home all day (which i do sometimes)and ask her in for a coffee or something.

OP posts:
mamama · 31/12/2006 05:04

Sounds perfect.

I'd be round quick as a flash. But only to make you feel better, you understand, not because I desperately wanted the company too!

Original poster
DetentionGrrrl · 01/01/2007 20:34

Well she couldn't make it, as she'd planned a similar night with her friends, but she popped over to say thanks and say we should have coffee sometime. I said i was bored sometimes, and not back in work until March, and she said she was starting to feel a bit like that too. Ice broken!

OP posts:
Dior · 01/01/2007 20:36

Message withdrawn

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