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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ex fil - not sure why he keeps phoning

32 replies

coffeeisnectar · 21/01/2016 17:50

I split with their son 7 years ago, he's an aggressive, violent man and I've been NC with him nearly 15 months. He no longer sees dd either.

Ex fil calls me regularly, sometimes daily and its driving me mad. He doesn't listen to me, he just talks at me. His wife has, I think, early dementia and he has had a few operations which he details to me when he calls.

He really doesn't understand what his son has done to me and can't understand why I won't let him see dd and at one point kept asking me to take him back. His son has several convictions and a non mol was in place until December.

He called tonight and I'm in the bath. I said hello and said need to make it a quick call as I'm in the bath. He said I wish I was in there with you. I said nothing. He said only joking. Then asked when I'm going into hospital and I said Monday and he then starts telling me about new op he has to have, a fall he had and that he's spoken to the surgeon.....finally get a word in saying hope he's ok, he immediately asks how dd is, say she's fine, watching a film, he switches back to me, he will call me next week. I say no, please don't, I'll be in hospital.

Then he just says bye 50 times and hangs up.

Ffs! Why can't he phone his own kids? It's not like he ever listens to anything I say and I can't seem to get through to him I never want to hear about his son.

Aaaargh!

OP posts:
MoominPie22 · 21/01/2016 19:35

Do you think your ex is putting him up to it? Getting his dad to ring up and hassle you or glean any info about your life so that it gets back to him?

You must surely be able to block the no. or change yours as a last resort? I think you´ve been so accommodating for so long ( surely he´s not been ringing you regularly for 7yrs? Shock ) and I´m not sure why you´re only now saying you´ve had enough of it....

I´m amazed, if it´s pissing you off, you´ve not just told him to stop ringing you and put the phone down on him a long time ago! People like that only understand a no-nonsense approach. Treat him like any other nuisance caller but the guy isn´t telepathic either. Get him told, even if you have to shout it down the bloody phone! What an irritating old bugger he soundsAngry

tribpot · 21/01/2016 19:40

Why does he have your number? How difficult would it be to change it?

Your children sound like they're old enough to manage their own relationship with their grandparents if they want, although they don't sound like a positive influence in your or your dc's lives.

coffeeisnectar · 21/01/2016 19:44

Yes I've put up with this for years. He's got worse and I did shout at him last year when he kept trying to pass messages on from his son.

I do tend to try and be nice and they are dds grandparents but I find it hard work talking to him and although he's not ringing daily now, he just talks at me rather than with me iyswim.

He minimises his sons behaviour and got annoyed when I said that if they came down here to see the dc that his son would not be allowed to have that time with the dc (son lives a few miles from me) and then started getting very insistent that they have unsupervised contact with dd. I don't trust them to keep son away so I would have to be there, or preferably dp.

OP posts:
coffeeisnectar · 21/01/2016 19:49

My girls are 17 and 10. Oldest isn't related to them but has been in their lives since she was 2. She really doesn't want to have anything to do with them. Youngest is still very torn, loves her gran but says her grandad is annoying. She's not mature enough to make any kind of decision based on her own wants as she's been utterly brainwashed by her dad that I'm the bad one keeping her away from them all. He's told her they can go and live abroad once she's 16 and never has to see me again. Poor kid. She's very close to me and she's got too much going on in her head.

OP posts:
MoominPie22 · 21/01/2016 19:53

It sounds like your ex putting his dad up to this, to me anyway. If he´s even beat up his dad, his dad must surely be scared of him and probably easily manipulated and bullied into it, do you think?

Well I´m glad you´ve blocked his no. so that should be the end of it. At least anything else like email, snail mail or social media contact can easily be dealt with without you having to engage in conversation.

Phew! Wine Smile

ThisHorseCalledDonny · 21/01/2016 20:01

what anyfucker

You owe him nothing. You are being waay too polite.

This is a beautiful opportunity to practice your FOTTFSOF

Custard314 · 21/01/2016 20:30

My xfil tried to manipulate me with 'subtle' (he thought) put downs when I left his son. I just stopped taking his calls. We haven't communicated in about 7 years now. I don't feel guilty. He is the axis of evil in that family.

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