Husband and his mother

[AVONUT]

Hi guys, my husband and I have an 18 month old who has been referred to a speech therapist. (He has few words). My husband basically said it was my fault because I don't do everything his mum says with regards to childcare. His mother has 25 years of experience in childcare - nursery nurse and foster work so therefore I shouldn't seek information about parenting from any other source including NHS guidance. He expects me to do everything she says. What do you think?

[IndeSaLT]

Hi OP. It sounds like the referral to speech therapy might have been made to be on the safe side. I'm a speech therapist and wouldn't be too worried about your little one just yet. You might find the Talking Point website helpful for info.
(FWIW if I were worried, I certainly wouldn't link delayed talking to transition from the moses basket!)

[binkiesandpopcorns]

My DC had few words at age 2. He was not referred to speech therapy then, as GP said not all children develop at the same rate, so although he was slow to speak, he wasn't worryingly so. He started to talk more shortly after that, and can talk the hind leg off a donkey now. So I don't think you have a problem with your son's speech.

However, I think you have a huge problem with your DH sounds like an utter loathesome bastard how dare he tell you you dont want the best for your child.

And I never had a Moses basket - WTF has that to do with a child's development

[dodobookends]

he was late being moved from Moses basket. Well that's a new one - how could that possibly have anything whatsoever to do with it?!!

Just out of interest, how old was he?

[Smilecherishdream2016]

Hmmmmm sounds like your dh is the one with delayed development and after all his mothers expertise she didn't do well with her own son how dare she try to tell you what to do .

[OnceAMeerNotAlwaysAMeer]

He says I obviously don't want the best for my child.


what the fuck?

this man isn't your friend. He's got the capacity to be a really nasty bit of work as well as a mummy's boy.

It might be an idea to take a very long hard look at this 'man' who wants you to follow his mother's probably-outmoded advice instead of following the highly trained professionals.

He sounds like if anything goes wrong with anything, he's going to blame you, realistic or not. Nasty.

[Musicaltheatremum]

My daughter had about 3 words at age 2. Within 3 months she was talking in long sentences. 18 months is far too early to refer. As long as they are understanding what you are saying don't worry. Oh and your husband is an idiot. (I am a GP with a community child health diploma)

[Jibberjabberjooo]

Why is it all about you and your child and your fault, and you did this. Is this not his child too?

My child is almost 18 months and has about 7 words. I'm not worried. Your child is far too young to be referred.

Your dh is a bully.

[packetofcrisps]

My MIL owned nursery for 15 years. When DS was born She was constantly saying " at the nursery we did it this way" blah blah blah. All the time.
It drove me nuts.
DS is now 2 and most of her sentences still begin "at the nursery...."
and the way I explained it to DH was that although I have a young child, if I take care of a friend or relatives child of yhe same age for a day, I still need to know their routine, behaviours, likes dislikes etc because their children aren't the same as ours! It was the only way I could get him to see that expertise in childcare doesn't mean an expert in EVERY bloody child. As soon as "at the nursery" begins, I switch off and hope DH does too!

[AVONUT]

Thanks again for your replies. Glad to know I'm not the only one who finds his behaviour deplorable.

For those who asked - I moved him from the moses between 5 and 6 months. They also pressured me to move him to his own bedroom at the time before I was ready. He was furious when I moved him back to our room.

Some posters asked why he thinks it's my fault. I think it's bcoz I go to work part time so spend most time with DS and bcoz I do not always do as his mother says. He claims that his niece is doing well bcoz of his mother and that DS has a problem bcoz I don't listen to her ALL the time. I said to him 'you can't seriously expect me to follow her advice all the time' he said: 'why wouldn't you?'

[Offred]

Err maybe because her advice is crap!

[Offred]

And what does he know anyway?

[Offred]

I absolutely couldn't live with being tag team undermined by my husband and his mother.

What are you going to do?

[eloquent]

Tell him, if you're doing such a bad job, maybe he should do it instead and follow every word mummy says.
Minding other people's kids is different to your own.

[annandale]

Sounds like he's really worried and upset about your son. You could tell him that it comes across like that. Get off the subject of his mother which sounds like a distraction.

TBH It sounds as if your son is doing fine, but no harm in an assessment.

[Terribleknitter]

I would do exactly what MaryRobinson suggests. Repeat every accusation back to her and see how she reacts.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

Your H is as much of a problem as his mother. Their relationship seems to be very unhealthy. He seems to be a mummy's boy and she has never really let him go and become his own person capable of making his own decisions.

Does he seek her advice on all other matters as well?.

Such men do not change.

[FlankShaftMcWap]

You need to ensure that your DH attends the speech therapy session with you. Say to the therapist "I feel ever so guilty, I was advised by someone very experienced with children not to use the moses basket for too long and I ignored the advice. I just didn't believe that it could cause this type of problem! Do you see this often? Moses basket induced delays?"

Then stand back and watch DH as he listens to an actual professional give their opinion of his mother's utterly shit advice.

Job done!

[Lottapianos]

I'm a SLT. 18 months is not too young for a referral if there are some concerns about your son's communication skills.

Your husband is completely wrong and being extremely unfair to you. I'm sure your MIL could be a great source of information but hes being ridiculous expecting you to do everything she tells you.

[LittleLegs25]

Sorry, are all other children in the world under developing because their parents didn't listen to his mother?

What a prat! I'm sure speech therapy will be beneficial for your son and this is in NO WAY your fault, these things just happen! You need to make sure your partner attends the speech therapy with you and your DS and ask questions to the professional as to why these things happen.... im fairly sure one of the reasons wont be "because he was in a Moses basket until 6 months"

Stand up for yourself and stop taking the blame.

[sparklingskies]

My baby didn't speak a word at all until well into his 2's but then spoke almost instantly in full sentences. I never worried about it because we had excellent non-verbal communication. 18m sounds very young to be getting help. He's still developing.

[Gobbolino6]

This is a complete aside, but my 2 year old had nowhere near 12 words at 18 months. My older two were nattering away by that age, so I was quite concerned, but he chats away happily now.

[DontMindMe1]

just wondering - who asked for/made the referral for a speech therapist? Who started talking about how his speech was delayed and needed looking at? dh or mil?
Also, what does your HV have to say about ds development? and about dh and mil pressuring you?

i've known lots of 18 month olds and the majority of them didn't have a 12 word vocabulary

[SkiptonLass2]

With due respect, she's a nursery nurse. That's not a medical or scientific /professional level of expertise. It gives her a hood deal of experience with avarice tt of children, akin to what a lot of grans with big families have.

So while I'm sure she's a good source of advice on the day to day, she's not an expert in child development by a very long way.

The idea that moving a child from a basket at five months could possibly damage them is laughable, and should show you that the advice you're being given is not good!

Also your husband's petulance at baby being brought back into your room is telling. Is he a sulky man child? Sounds like it. Which means his mummy didn't do a very good job of raising him, did she?

He sounds like a knob actually.

Speech at 18 months is variable. About a dozen words doesn't seem an issue unless there are other factors at play which could indicate developmental delays.