it's done and I'm totally heart broken

[BoringlyRestrictive]

So my marriage is over and we are separating. He is going to find somewhere to live.

Despite this being my instigation and a good thing and what I wanted.
I am completely heart broken and devastated.

I don't know what to do with these emotions.

I'm a few months further down the line and I barely recognise the person I was, living in fear of the shame of people finding out. Worrying about the nasty things he would do, the spiteful things he would say and the 'tricks' but now he's like a pantomime character and my friends and relatives say "what's the latest?" He's shown himself up for the person he is and I've got my life back. There are plenty more of the lonely moments like you describe where you'll lack confidence and feel like the world's against you but just remember your 'deal breaker' the reason why you could never go back, the absolute worst thing he said/did and you'll fibd the strength.xxx

Find.

Really his ranting is just confirmation that this relationship is beyond being fixed.

He believes that he is the only person in this relationship. If only you would just comply with him and accept that you have no right to any feelings or rights at all outside him then you could be in the 'relationship' that's what his ranting says to me.

He is utterly irredeemable.

Sorry you're felling sad and that you've had bad news

I think the heart break and devastation are good signs, even if they are painful just now. I.e. you know the relationship is over, that the abuse is over, that your life is going to be better and that you can now start processing all the hurt that the relationship brought you rather than burying it.

It's you starting to trust that you can connect properly to your feelings instead of having to soldier on, and you know you can trust yourself now because you've seen that you've had the guts and courage to end it.

Sorry it feels shit just now but it is the start of you getting past this and getting over it. You've been incredibly strong, taken a huge step and this is you letting go of the pain you've been carrying around for so long.

hug

He tells me that all the issues in our relationship were 1000% my fault that I am crazy and if I could just 'get over the past' then it wouldn't be a problem and we would all be happy but at the same time he says if I want any money of my own then I need to get a job and all sorts of stuff.

This is great, as its him absolutely confirming for you how right you were to end it. He will probably say a lot of things like this in the near future. Don't take any of it on, but file it all away in your mind as continued evidence that you have done the right thing.