How to deal with a fully grown man-child

[packetofcrisps]

Just as DH has started helping out a little more this week and thinking for himself, he does something a bit silly this morning.
I decided to set my alarm 15 minutes later than usual as I showered the night before, plus DD is up during the night a lot at the moment, so need extra sleep!
DH wakes me up at my normal time (before my alarm goes off) and tells me "it's time to get up" I sleepily said "not just yet" and dozed back off.
I generally get up 15 minutes before DH to shower, he then gets up and dresses DD whilst I dress myself (our usual routine.)
I awoke 15 minutes later and went to the next room to begin getting ready, assuming that DH would be getting DD up as normal only to find him still in bed playing on his phone meaning we're now 15 mins behind schedule! I asked him why he isn't up and he responded "I always get up 15 minutes after you."
I find this response so child-like, I was really unhappy. DH is difficult to motivate at the best of times and needs the routine of the morning to get our family, up, ready and out of the door. I just can't believe that through me staying in bed a while longer, he needs to do the same at the expense of getting out of the door on time!
As a result, I was late for work and had to get another teacher to cover my registration. So annoyed. How do I deal with this? My man needs constant instruction and motivation... it's frustrating!

You are fighting a lost battle, and it will only get more irritating as your child grows up and you need more help. It comes a time when the man child brings more work than the actual child.

My solution to the manchild problem was divorcing him. Being true to himself he decided he had "a life to live" and left me raising DS on my own. We have not seen him in years.

I've had 15 yrs of a manchild which seemingly got worse the last few years (since marriage actually). I grew up whereas he still thinks hes 21 in a nearly 40 yr old body.. sad
Theres only so often you can nag for when you get sick of your own voice..
He lives in an untidy mess now, Im glad Im out of it.

When I met DH he had a lot more zest for life than he does now and more energy! He was always untidy but I found ways to deal with it over time.
As he gets older he seems to have lost any motivation for living, no ambitions, goals, desire to get up in the morning. Would sit on the sofa all week if I didn't give him gentle 'instructions.'
So although I knew what DH was like before we married, it was manageable or atleast it appeared to be (nobodys perfect afterall).
The arrival of DD really made me realise what a lazy plonker he can be. I could understand if he wasn't domestically aware but lived on his own 5 years before I arrived. He's a wonderful cook but leaves all meal planning and cooking to me claiming "oh I'm happy with cheese on toast for dinner" so it's either I cook or it's toast for dinner!
He has all the capabilities of a very helpful, able husband, he just prefers the bed and the sofa.

You get flamed for pointing out generalisations about men (or women) on MN but in RL I see this in pretty much every couple I know.
The man opting out, getting away with what he can, cutting corners, stuck in his ways, wanting a 'simple life', choosing sofa/telly over family life, not pulling weight, not adjusting or cutting down on bad habits like drinking excessively or gaming - but more than anything else refusing to grow the fuck up!
You have to really, really spell it out to him - that you see your future and you don't like or want it. You are unhappy. He MUST change and step up or it's simply the beginning of the end...whether that's a year or 10 years, it's a downward spiral.

As long as you always blink first, he will always win.

When it is his turn to meal plan you might have to eat toast every time. To make the point.

They are not your jobs that he helps you with. They are joint household / family jobs.

When he says 'I'm happy with cheese on toast for dinner' do you take him at his word? If not then don't say anything but Cook for you and dd and give him cheese on toast. If it's his turn to cook then ensure you eat a meal at lunchtime so cheese on toast will suffice or say great you have cheese on toast but you will need to cook something more substantial for me and dd.

I totally get your point about not realising'what a lazy plonker' he can be prior to having DCs, as you so eloquently put it OP , DH would also sit on the sofa all week ( in fact he has for months on end) and has a begrudging attitude to most jobs I ask him to do. Drives me bonkers. It gets better for a week or so every so often but default position seems to be one of general resentment for household activities.

Throwingshade: it is difficult not to notice the patterns isn't it. Interestingly, my grandfather is the complete opposite and has worked hard all his life and taken care of all of the life and house work and admin. My grandmother has never had to do very much at all.
When my grandfather fell ill around 12 months ago and was hospitalised, my grandmother just stayed in bed as she didn't know how to function without him doing everything for her.
Everyone comments on 'what a wonderful man' he is to have basically served her all their married lives. He's actually made her completely dependant and when he's no longer here, someone may have to step up to his role. I see constant criticism on MN and in general society of women who are labelled as 'controlling' when they take on all of the jobs and decision making. It's interesting how my grandfather is given almost heroic values for all he has done. I completely appreciate him and value what he's done, however I see how he has somewhat incapacitated my grandmother by doing everything for her over the years. I'm not sure, if it were the other way around, that my grandmother would be given such heroic labels! But hey... not to make generalisations!