Mediation help

[Homely1]

This has been suggested to sort child contact on the background of DC behaviour altered after sessions. What do I expect? How is this arranged? What do I do? Do I panic?

Thank you.

I really am trying, yes it is hard (I won't lie). I also try to act really excited at what DC has done whilst out. Yet DC still says that DC does not want to go. I considered weekly but 'recovery' from the behaviour takes almost the fortnight that I am worried that DC really won't cope. I do not know a reasonable way forth.

DC has also had a 'nappy rash' after the last 2 visits... I don't know what to make of that.

Right now I am worried about mediation and possibility of court. I don't want to go to court. I'm am scared about that.

I wouldn't make anything of it if contact is only "a few hours".

Honestly, I think you're going to find yourself backed into a corner unless you can find some way to deal with your emotions which are almost definitely impacting on your child's ability to transition between you and her father.

Ok, how should I best play things?

Do you send him in a dry nappy? I would make sure nappy is dry no nappy rash in an hour..

It is quite common I think for change in behaviour on return my DS did... I would suggest when he comes home move on very quickly.. an activity or game at home, trip out to park but rules straight back in... something that moves back into you are home and back to my rules now..

I also think don't ask him if he wants to go.. The same as we don't ask if they want to go to nursery because they have to go so you can work, or school or grandparents.

... And what do you mean by 'backed in a corner'? Would a court think of me badly if I am responding to behaviour and saying contact should progress slowly so DC can adjust?

I guess that's why I am asking how I should tackle mediation to make it work.

I would go and find a counsellor as a first point. Probably a psychodynamic approach.

Then I would attend mediation. Have a think about what sort of contact you would like and bear in mind that every other weekend and half of the school holidays is the norm (I appreciate your DC is not currently school age).

In your shoes, I would aim for something like:

1. Increase current length of contact to weekly for a month
2. Increase contact to a full day, once a week, for a further month or two.
3. Increase contact to a full day and one overnight (9am Sat-9am Sun) once a week for a further month or two.
4. Eventual agreement of 9am Sat to 5pm Sun every other weekend.

The problem is, Homely, that based on the issues you have posted (and this is all I can base my advice on), it just looks like you are stalling. The issues your child is having are (a) relatively normal (b) your job as a parent to manage and (c) likely to be exacerbated by your heightened emotions.

Thank you starry... I gave up asking but DC says that on me asking why behaviour off. I'll try the back to my rules... I do kind of do that. It's the other behavioural stuff that I cannot seem to control but all seem to say normal- frequent waking, wetting etc etc. I would not have thought it so prolonged though.

Thank you fourormore too

It's difficult to get perspective when in a situation

It is, I understand.

And I am finding it very difficult as I've seen an unbothered parent

document everything.
take photo of bum with time stamp before and after shot
take to Dr for help.
make appointment with nursery soconcerned can be doumented
tell when child is seeing dad asked to observe and documents. get document. take to go ask for help.