Crushes

[Oscha]

I'm aware this sounds like I'm a 14 yr old boy trolling for lesbian sex stuff but I'm definitely not. I'm a long term poster who name changed when we had to change passwords and I haven't been active on here since then.

So...I've always been with men, am married to a man, have had crushes on men (well, man, DiCaprio) since forever etc.

I met a woman about a year ago. It was a very intense weekend (like a church retreat, but not) and we didn't talk much but we shared a room and she was lovely. I have a massive, ridiculous teenage crush on her. We didn't even swap last names (!) so we're not in touch on Facebook or anything like that.

I'm going on the same weekend away this year and she's likely to be there. I'm actually panicking like a bloody teenager. It's absurd. I am happily married, have zero intention of having an affair-with anyone, ever-but every time I think about her I get flushed and giggly. I'm embarrassing myself in advance for god's sake.

I don't even know what the point of posting this is really. Tell me your stories of how you had stupid crushes and didn't make a massive tit of yourself?!

and she's likely to be there.

She won't be there. I can tell you from experience that it is a universal truth that if you have a massive crush and you go somewhere specifically to stalk see your love object, they won't be there. Never are. It's the law of the jungle.

You're not doing anything wrong by having a little crush and I think plenty of 'straight' women have crushes on other women, so I don't think I'd suggest you needed to start wondering what your sexuality really is etc. This could have just as easily been a man and that would have been fine too. You're happily married though, so I would avoid temptation as much as possible if I were you.

Unfortunately, I think there are lots of straight women who end up having emotional affairs at the very least with other women and don't think that it's as bad as if it were a man. Like it doesn't really count, which is just wrong.

I'm not saying you're one of these women, but what I would say is be just as careful with this, as you would if your crush were a man.

Do you feel sexually attracted to her, OP? Or is it more of a hero-worship thing?

Both, which seems odd to me as I'm middle aged and have never been attracted to a woman before.

largered I know what you mean, and I would definitely consider it 'as bad'. I wouldn't act on any feelings anyway. I'm just kind of dreading seeing her and getting all ridiculous.

Hopefully she won't be there, or won't remember me!

Actually the hero worship thing does make me think. When I was at secondary school I had a massive crush on my head of house (pupil, not teacher!) who was in sixthform when I was in y8 I think. That wasn't sexual, or I didn't recognise it as such at that age anyway. I just kind of wanted to be her. Maybe it's that again and I'm just confusing it with more adult feelings!

Oh who knows. I shall stop behaving like a child!

Attraction comes in all forms doesn't it. You can be attracted to someone's confidence, someone's determination, someone's sense of humour.....someone's body. Now the latter is quite clearly sexual attraction, but all the others can be completely platonic attraction/admiration. When we say we're attracted to someone, we normally mean sexually, or romantically, but it doesn't necessarily have to be that kind of attraction. Maybe it is that kind of attraction with this woman, but if that is the case, I would just repeat what I said before. Remove yourself from temptation.

I honestly do understand what you're feeling and I know it can be confusing, scary, exciting and possibly seductive. You're probably getting a bit of a buzz and rush of adrenaline from these new feelings and that doesn't make you a bad person. As you say, you've no intention on acting on these feelings, but that rush I was explaining, can become incredibly addictive.

What is it you're feeling exactly, when you think about her?

Erm, I don't know...that she's gorgeous and really cool?! She's just beautiful and very interesting...she has a really fascinating life and job that is way beyond anything I'd have ever considered doing. It's brave and a bit mad. And she's opinionated and all the sorts of things you'd want in a friend, plus stunning and...kissable?! Argh.