DP being a moody tosser or is he right?

[Abbinob]

DP decided to stay up to 2 am playing Xbox so he's tired.
Our 2 year old keeps waking up early, he knows this. And DS is ill ATM and has a horrible cough waking him up several times a night so he came into our bed at about 3am.
Ds was fidgetting in bed and DP basically had a tantrum, starts muttering "FFS DS THIS IS PISSING ME OFF" and stuff like that and then basically argues with him. "Stop doing that FFS its annoying" "move your arm ffs DS" etc. Arguing with an ill 2 year old FFS.
He thinks I'm not disciplining DS properly because I don't shout at him, I think DP is being a wanker and he does this tantrum shit all the time.
DS behaves a lot better when it's just me, he does get told off but I speak to him like a 2 year old not a teenager I.e, count to five then timeout, distract him from naughty thing, explain we don't do that because its naughty/dangerous/not nice.
That's right isnt it? You don't whinge at toddlers and tell them they are annoying and pissing you off. (Even if they are! )
So I'm on the sofa with DS because I can't deal with dp being a moody dickhead and speaking to our son like that, its not nice to be around.
It's all the time and I'm sick of it. 2 year olds are annoying but that's life surely? They're only small so we need to teach them how to behave not argue with them as if they're adults

Hi op

I don't want to dismiss his attitude to his son, but I wonder if his attitude and frustration come from the games he is playing.

Some of the games COD and shoot em up especially FIFA as well wind the player up and can psychologically change them, I've got a teen and have seen it first hand.

If he is then trying to deal with something or someone who is testing him in his eyes, he's reacting accordingly pretty much like in the games, impatient aggressive loads of frustration.
Also if this is how he's been treated when younger it's part of his psyche, and he won't change unless he himself becomes aware.

Worse case scenario is your son bless him might turn out the same, dealing with things aggressively.

I don't think it's the games, he wasn't playing them until Christmas (got an Xbox for Christmas) and was just the same then.
I think it's a lot to do with his mother and how he's been taught to behave mainly because him and his brothers are all the same, ones been in prison and the other had court coming up and is into all that football fighting stuff. His mother is borderline evil and I have nothing to do with her anymore because she's just a psychopath or something. I know dp was her carer for years growing up and I think k its made him really resent doing things or something

I feel so sorry for your poor son.
He's going to be the horrible kid in the playground who swears at other kids etc...
You need to make sure that doesn't happen.
There's only one way I can see that happening.

He certainly won't be because DP is going to get the option of never behaving like that again or leaving our home.
I hate living with someone with a temper and I can only imagine it's a lot worse for a 2 year old and it will be stopping now. It's worse to me when he moans about him but so he can hear like "every fucking night, this shit is really pissing me off" he just doesn't have patience with him even when walking somewhere with him he expects him to walk at a fast pace and never stop/muck about .
It's the way he speaaka about everyone, e.g "in going to phone those arseholes about this fucking water" he thinks everyone is trying to rip him off and nothing is ever good enough.
Like I moved into a new build HA flat and he moans about the windows being too big, the carpet being not wooden floors, the balcony having glass walls, even thouh were lucky we even have carpets etc and everything was decorated and new, usually you move into an old flat thats in a mess and have to spend a lot fixing it up, seems irrelevebt but just trying to explain tje attitude he has, likke everything is supposed to be perfect for him and anytjing slightly annoying or not perfect gets him in a mood, just moans about everything and gets in a temper and its miserable.

In this case the rotten apple that is this man did not fall far from the rotten tree i.e. his own family of origin. Look at what he learnt from his mother about life and relationships; those lessons could well now be transferred to your child.

Why are you together at all now; habit?.

He is not going to change. You do realise that don't you. This works for him.

You have a choice re this man, your child does not.

If he sorted his temper outbit would all be fine but I just don't know if he will/can
He does help and is fair in that way, he plays with DS and he definitely cares about him I just don't know why he gets in such a mood about everything

How does he care about him when he swears at him and says he's annoying? Where is the caring then?

He does this also because he can and he will not change his ways for you or anyone else. This on some level works for him.

What is he like with other people?. Does he shout at them as well like he does to you or does he reserve this behaviour for you and his child?.

How does he help?. He helps himself most certainly but he seems to be looking after number 1 here i.e. him at your overall expense.

Is this really what you want to teach your child about relationships because your man certainly learnt an awful lot of damaging lessons re same.

You've got a weird definition of caring, helping and being fair: he is caring/helpful/fair except when he is not caring/helpful/fair, which is when anything is slightly less than perfect

Do you really think this is a matter of sorting his temper out? Surely it is a matter of a complete change of personality and world view? Unlearning every single thought process and behaviour when life isn't perfect.

Last night's behaviour alone is enough to kick him out.

What's your next move?

Well you can't change him, OP, but maybe you should point out that as his own childhood wasn't the best, maybe he should think about doing things differently with his son.

I've known some wonderful parents who have had shit childhoods, but used that to reflect on how they do things themselves instead of just blindly following the example they were given.

But he definitely does not sound like a positive influence on your life.

Abbie, sorry to say this bluntly, but you have described your DP as someone whose behaviour is unacceptable, then in subsequent posts you either minimise or defend that behaviour.

You've already split before, it's your life if you want to carry on letting him suck the life out out of you and be verbally abusive to your DC. Don't let life slip by is my advice.

Makes me wonder who the real two year old is.

The swearing at a two year old would have done it for me.

It seems to me that you already know that he's not a very good father. And I think if he wants to play games til all hours and then act like an arsehole, then maybe he should do it in his own place. At least that way you'll be able to have peaceful nights in your own bed and NOT on the sofa!

You both sound like a pair of twats tbh

@LunaLula83 not half as big a twat as someone reacting to a 4 year old thread.

Break up again.

That is all.

Your poor little boy 😡

Oh zombie.

Hopefully he’s under the patio by now.

Your p's way of talking to your Dc is absolutely disgusting. Especially when he was a week old.

Is he very stupid? He's certainly clueless, thoughtless, selfish, and unkind.

Your DC will grow up and treat their own dc just the same if you don't change this.

I'd leave ASAP.

Oh fuck, zombie thread. Sorry!!