I can't feel attracted to anyone who's available

[NinjaHearts]

I don't mean married people or people with girlfriends but just men that are somehow not available entirely for a relationship.

I notice that I find men almost disgusting, offputting and really don't want them until they mention something that sort of makes it clear a relationship would be difficult; like for example letting me know they just got a job transfer overseas.

Then all of a sudden I fall in love with them as soon as I know the chances of anything happenning are small.

I'm lonely, but can't change and I keep being hurt by men who don't love me back.

[NinjaHearts]

Thank you all so much. selfloathing you sound exactly like me. It took me years to realise I was the problem. I had always felt I was unlucky.

My very first love was the only real one I have ever had. I took the leap after an unsatisfactory childhood and untilmately after 5 years or so he abaondoned me and left me for someone else and I never recovered after that.

I would always hook up with either men I saw as beneath me (no real love) or men that were unavailable (no real risk).

I have had therapy about my childhood, as I suferred for a lot of years from panic attacks and we focussed a lot on it but strangely never on my commitment problems as I was unaware of them.

In fact in therapy the focus was on the men...how I had picked wronguns.

I have a mix of avoidant and anxious attachment.

If I am dating a secure or anxious attacher I become avoidant to push him away. If I am dating an avoidant (THESE are the ones i fall head over heels for) then I become anxious in my attachment style begging for their love almost and becoming quite obsessive.

In reality if they turned around and lovd me back I'd lose interest!

[NinjaHearts]

Just grabbed that for my kindle whats

[MissPiggySeeksFrogwithGSOH]

"I would always hook up with either men I saw as beneath me (no real love) or men that were unavailable (no real risk)"