I know that sounds terrible but here goes. My mother has never been the greatest, varying from nasty to downright neglectful. I won't go into it, but between my sister and I we have -no- positive memories, or thoughts of her. As two people desperate for a happy family, we've both branched off and made our own. My sister no longer talks to my mum (an incident when she called my 7yo niece a nasty spiteful evil little bitch - she'd done nothing!) but I find myself still in contact simply through sheer guilt at someone being totally alone in the world - even if it is through their doing. She lives around 90 miles away, we see her maybe 3 times a year, she usually asks to see us more but we get out of it. She only comes, and talks about herself or asks for favours. She has no interest in her grandchildren, or in myself or my husband.
We found out recently she has terminal cancer. She originally told us her expectancy was 2 - 5 years, then changed it to 5 - 15 (?) but her doctor has since said it's probably months. I'm not entirely sure however, as he doesn't seem to know his a*hole from his elbow but nevermind. I know it's not really relevant, but I have these thoughts of 'her last christmas' ringing round my head. We've avoided her the last few christmases, her having a fiance most of them, but they divorced (after about a week) . We were planning on telling her we wanted to spend this christmas just the four of us (which is a lie, we want to spend it with my in laws) but she came out when she was disorientated with coming here for a week and in the shock of finding out her news I agreed.
The thing is, over the last few weeks it hasn't looked likely she'd be well enough to come, which in all honesty was a relief. She's been very ill, she's been crazed (police and social services involved) and considering our past I don't really want her here. We've made tentative plans concerning Christmas - that christmas eve we'd take the kids down the animal farm, then go to the crib service. Stay the night at PILs, visit my mum christmas day morning for a couple of hnours without the kids, then return home and spend the rest of christmas day/boxing day with the family. Then we have off together until 2nd Jan.
But now it turns out she's suddenly been released home. I didn't think mentally she was well enough, they'd decided they couldn't treat her 'crazyness' that had developed, so just started her on chemo. She's adamant she's fine, the doctors don't know. Seeing as she's at home all alone, with few friends and no family she's adamant she's coming for a week like planned - well even longer I guess as she thinks she's coming friday night and returning home on the 1st or the 2nd. I can't think of anything worse, I honestly don't even deep down want her here, my job is stressing me out at the moment, I finish 6pm friday, and then to have her here until the 2nd when I start again is depressing to say the least... on top of a new 3mo dd, a toddler ds and other things too.
So what do we do? Ds has come down with a chest infection, I don't know if it's contagious or not (he's very bunged up and coughing/snotty) our doctor said it wasn't advisable for her to come due to the weakened immune system, but hers says sure it'll be fine. I phoned her to say, but she was adamant she was still coming.
Dh suggested we tell her we'd pick her up christmas eve night (or the night before if she gets shirty) and she can stay until boxing day, and that's it. I feel like it's ruining christmas a tiny bit, but I don't kow what to do I can't BEAR to think of her alone, well of anyone alone, even her.
THen we also have to break the news to her christmas day will be at the inlaws (she's terribly jealous of them and will not be happy) and in all honesty we want to stay there (in which case she will be too)
I'm sorry this is such a rant... if anyone has got this far then well done. Any advice would really be appreaciated.