Living with mother - could you?

[freshcruch]

I am sitting in my bedroom to avoid making idle chat. She drives me nuts. I am an adult btw. I am sick of hearing about why hanging should be brought back or how badly foreign people smell.

Yes I think so. I think she goes with just the local age concern. They have a little mini bus and go and gather up the old people in the mornings it seems!
I assume you can walk there yourself also if local enough and your able ( your mother I mean).

Maybe look up ' elderly day centre' near your home to see what's around, or yes call your local council offices and ask for guidance or numbers to call.

Some churches have lunch clubs, mine has one a month but a big church in our town has one a week for about two hours. It costs about £3 and they will also collect people.

My sister has moved in to care for our Mother and spent Christmas Day crying to me on the phone as our Mother is very demanding.

offred, I would love others to become involved. She seems to have developed a habit of living her life vicariously through me, she will turn up in the waiting room at the dentist if she knows I have an appointment, turns up at the school on parent's night etc. It just feels so claustrophobic.

That kind of emotional dependency is not good for you or her IMO.

Arf has put things really well.

Great post from arf

Excellent post Arf

I cared for both my in laws at one point or another but would not have done it full time indefinitely.

I spoke to my mum about this and she said if she got to the stage of needing live in card then I should find a suitable care home.

My MIL cared for both dads until she had her heart attack. She never had her own life between that and raising her children.

There's nothing wrong with not being the type to cope, but if course you'll feel guilty.

Fresh this resonates with me so very much because my mom is supposed to come live with me. Just when I was looking forward to my freedom as my boys are older, BUT my mom lies, can be nasty, is hard work and I feel bad because I now no longer want her to come live with me.

She is currently in another country, both my older sisters don't really do much to help, I do everything from 10 000 miles away. She is currently in a retirement village and they also offer frail care services. As others have said is this not an option.

For me, at the moment, its about protecting myself, my children which makes me sound like a horrid human being for not wanting my own mother to come visit!

I love my mum, but I could not live with her. I could not be her carer should she need one in the future. Thankfully she agrees and would never want me to be! There's nothing wrong with admitting that a situation is unsustainable and not being a carer doesn't mean you don't love someone.

There are day centres about - you may be able to have home help as well -

Look at her medical needs - some homes are free to those with medical needs paid by SS

Sounds like you need a break

No I couldn't live with my mum. She is great but we annoy each other. My mum is only 64 so not yet on the cards but we considered the idea when MIL was sick. In the end she developed dementia and needed 24 hour care. We wouldn't have received any help and I know I would have ended up as the carer. I simply didn't want to be wiping my MIL's bum and trying to deal with children and someone with dementia. I felt very guilty but knew it was right for me. She ended up in a home which had its own issues but as sorry as I am I know I couldn't offer her what she needed. My MIL also has learning issues and was totally dependent on others prior to her illness. An adult like that is totally wearing and I sympathise. It's not the same as granny in an Annexed who has her own life and just needs someone watching over her.