Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

PIL have been invited on holiday. Should I LTB?

44 replies

chicaguapa · 16/01/2016 18:54

A couple of weeks ago I mentioned to DH that after having had a cold since last September, I really needed a holiday - a week of doing nothing somewhere sunny. After some research I chose a place and we discussed going for a week at February half term.

I said that DH should warn MIL as she usually comes to visit during February half term. She insists on only coming in the holidays, even though she can come any time, but we can only go away in the holidays so I don't consider this time sacrosanct.

We then decided to go away at Easter instead as the flights are cheaper, it'll be a little bit warmer etc and had been talking about booking it all either today or tomorrow. We are dithering as we're not supposed to be having a holiday this year as we're getting an extension built in the autumn and are saving up for it.

Tonight MIL phones saying that she's looked into the flight options from her part of the country and would love to come away with us at February half term! Now DH is trying to claim that he told me that he'd asked PIL if they wanted to come and that it'll be ok as they won't be staying in the same place as us.

I should LTB, shouldn't I? I think he's gone mad.

OP posts:

HumptyDumptyHadaHardTime · 17/01/2016 13:53

But they are staying 40 mins away from you? Did I get that right? That's hardly on top of you.

^ agreed with this.

They aren't exactly staying with you are they.

ForalltheSaints · 17/01/2016 14:05

Even though you are angry, LTB seems totally unreasonable.

Try to move the holiday dates such that the PILs cannot come, or won't want to.

Tanith · 17/01/2016 14:09

Far preferable to vent anonymously on here than to call him a bastard to his face, I would have thought.
After all, it's pretty disrespectful to invite your parents on holiday without checking first with your wife - and even more disrespectful to carry on with it once you know your wife has said she doesn't want them there.

Wardrobespierre · 17/01/2016 14:18

I love going on holiday with my PILs. Built in babysitting and I like them.

Still, I can see why you'd be cross. I bet it was just a conversation that got out of hand, especially if you've invited them before. If it's somewhere FIL loves, you've invited them away before and it was originally planned at a time you spend with them, it's an easy thing to have happened imo.

It's up to dh to fix it if you're dead set against it.

IrishDad79 · 17/01/2016 14:47

The op needs to grow up. The in laws will be staying forty minutes away ffs. Calling him a bastard behind his back and inviting complete strangers to call him a bastard is disloyal. I'm sure none of you would be happy if your other halves were going behind your backs to all their internet buddies to call you bitches over a private family disagreement.

ElBandito · 17/01/2016 15:07

IrishDad there are lots and lots of threads on mumsnet where posters vent about their spouse, inlaws, parents, children and friends. Often while they vent they call them names
If you are uncomfortable with that you can have a busy afternoon posting on any and all of those threads you can find just to let them know they are being 'disrespectful'

Anniegetyourgun · 17/01/2016 15:08

Wondering if Irishdad is the FIL now.

FrancisdeSales · 17/01/2016 15:09

The OP is just venting and the original LTB in the first post was clearly a joke. No harm done by a moan to get it off your chest.

We recently cancelled plans for a holiday when I discovered DH was expecting me to be in the same cabin with his mum and sister and no means of escape,

ElBandito · 17/01/2016 15:19

My concern would be the PILs expectations. Are they expecting to see you everyday? Or will they be happy just to see you a couple of times? If it's the former, then you have a problem. If it's the latter then you don't.

Original poster

chicaguapa · 17/01/2016 17:47

I have spoken to MIL. I explained that plans have moved on and we're now going at Easter and will be staying 40 mins away, not in Malaga itself. And that we're not really planning on spending more than a day in the city and would be mainly visiting little Andalusian villages in our hire car. It's not really what they were hoping for so they're not going to come.

I feel like I've pissed on their bonfire a bit but I won't dwell on it as I didn't create the situation. I told them we'd probably go back for a 3-night city break sometime and they can come with us then. So all is well.

OP posts:

2rebecca · 17/01/2016 18:44

I think going together somewhere for a shorter city break sounds more sensible.
Hopefully your husband won't invite them again without discussing it with you first.
If he gets more annual leave than you he can always use some of it to go on the city break with them. I get more leave than my husband and used some of it last year to go away with my dad for a few days

Rowgtfc72 · 17/01/2016 19:45

Pleased you got it sorted. We always have the in-laws come on holiday with us but are fortunate that mil is very sensible and we laid down mutual ground rules.
We spend time as a group, they will have DD for us and we spend time doing our own thing. If we want to do something on our own we tell the other couple. Nine years in and its still working!

IrishDad79 · 17/01/2016 20:36

El Bandito, the op is being disloyal to her husband by calling him a bastard behind his back and allowing complete strangers call him a bastard over what is, really, a pretty trivial matter. Her in laws will be 40 minutes away on HER holiday - oh boo fucking hoo. Presumably she took a vow to love and honour her husband, bitching about him behind his back and having others join in for sport falls well short of that vow.

Original poster

chicaguapa · 17/01/2016 21:01

FWIW DH knows I've put a thread on MN and just rolled his eyes and took it in good humour.

Also when he made the offer and MIL accepted it wasn't known that we'd be staying outside the city. Then that became MY concern as I didn't want the expectation to be that we'd go and meet them every day.

Thanks everyone that gets it.

OP posts:

MoreGilmoreGirls · 18/01/2016 12:43

Well handled OP of course it was a lighthearted LTB and you were not disrespectful at all. Some people need to chill out or go to Netmums where they might feel more comfortable.

MotherofFlagons · 18/01/2016 13:15

Well handled, chica. MIL has been dropping the odd hint about coming on holiday with us, but I've made it clear to DH that if he invites her, he'll be going on his own with her. I've also mentioned in conversation to her that we don't do holidays with other people as it's our time to chill out together.

She was away in the same place at the same time as us for four days several years ago (long story, relative visit) and she nearly drove me mad.

summerainbow · 18/01/2016 13:45

just don't to malaga everyday and take loads of photos and put them all on Facebook.

Joysmum · 18/01/2016 14:44

Well done, now you should go nail you DH's balls to wall at the very least if you're not going to LTB

Original poster

chicaguapa · 19/01/2016 13:45

OP posts:

Flip

1 2