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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Would you acknowledge your husbands birthday in these circumstances?

36 replies

TiredMummy2015 · 16/01/2016 07:58

Long story short - we have a toddler and 6 week old baby. Husband has form for going out after work whenever he fancies leaving me to carry the can at home. He did it again this week ( I had a thread about it), then since I was angry at him decided he would go out all night Thursday too. So 3 days on my own struggling with a baby who screams all day and a toddler with no help or break.
Have asked him to leave and told him I can't put up with this crap any longer. We had the same thing before baby was born and he cried and begged for another chance which has stupidely gave him. He is trying the same now but I'm refusing to give in. He feels I shouldn't throw our marriage away over him going out.

Anyway today is his birthday. Do I acknowledge it or just ignore it!? I've no idea how to act. I'm being amicable but don't want to just back down and let him think he's got away with it yet again. I have small gifts from the children and a card. No card from me and his present from me is due for collection this afternoon.

How should I handle this!?

OP posts:

Baressentials · 16/01/2016 08:44

Just realised I misread your op. I assumed 6 month old (bad enough) but a 6 week old?! Fucking hell. What a selfish arse.
I am a single mum to 4 dc (with 1st dc and 4th dc I have been on my own since pregnancy) it is doable and -in my opinion- easier to go it alone without having to consider a selfish arse.

Original poster

TiredMummy2015 · 16/01/2016 09:09

He would be fine with me if I did it, but he wouldn't have the whole history of me doing it over and over for years.

OP posts:

Penfold007 · 16/01/2016 09:10

Where did he stay for the three days he wasn't at home? He can go there.

Original poster

TiredMummy2015 · 16/01/2016 09:26

He wasn't away for 3 nights only one. But him being out Wednesday night until late too means that I was alone Wednesday, Thursday and Friday until he got home Friday evening.

He stayed with a friend who works in London a couple of times a month... Not a permanent option. He will need to find a short term let.

OP posts:

janaus · 16/01/2016 09:33

No birthday present
My DH admitted fling in September. Although we stayed together his birthday in November came and went, no present, no celebration.

HermioneWeasley · 16/01/2016 09:33

Agree with others, if you're not a couple any more just let the kids give him their gift. Let's see if he organises them to do anything for your birthday!

What a pathetic specimen - putting nights about before his marriage and family. Twat.

Original poster

TiredMummy2015 · 16/01/2016 09:36

Toddler gave the presents I'd got from the kids. Just tokens. Was very awkward as I was in the room. this all only blew up the other day after a period of things being great. So it's a shock and so crap to be here.

OP posts:

MoMoTy · 16/01/2016 09:40

You have two tiny kids and this is how he behaves?? Yes you do need to leave him. He has no respect for you as a wife let alone mother. He wants his single life and seems to be bogged down by his family, well he can now go out all he wants. You don't need to beg someone to be apart of the family they helped create? You are worth more than that.

ohtheholidays · 16/01/2016 10:03

I've been there OP,I was a single Mum to 4DC whilst I was pregnant with my 4th.I found out I was pregnant with my 4th a few days after I'd kicked my ex out.

Just like Bare above being a single Mum to 4DC was alot easier than being in a relationship with the wrong person.

CheesyWeez · 16/01/2016 10:03

I'm so sorry TiredMummy. It is a shame he can't see that over Christmas things were great because he wasn't up the pub getting pissed.
If he doesn't stop drinking and you stay together, then all this will just blow up later when the kids are older and they will really see what is happening. It could be better for them for you to clear off now, and you can get yourself organised.

Go out today. Either take baby or come back this afternoon to feed baby if you have to, go out again. Spend the gift money on a room tonight. Have a bath, rest up. The toddler won't be harmed by 24 hours with dad and it might give him the shock he needs, or give you time to resolve what to do. Hugs from us here

Baressentials · 16/01/2016 11:15

ohtheholidays It really is easier than we anticipate isn't it? Financially it can be tough but emotionally? My god it is so much better. I am so much healthier, the dc eat healthier, the house is more organised, everything is more consistent, the dc know where we are at and what we are doing. It would take a fecking awesome man for me to even consider allowing him over my threshold let alone allowing a manchild like this take up valuable space (both physical and mental) in my home.

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