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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I think I'm done :(

16 replies

CumbriaMum91 · 13/01/2016 22:25

But I'm not happy about it. I love my DP and we're due a baby next month but I don't think I can carry on like this anymore he makes everything so difficult.

Everything has to be an argument or a battle and most the time i feel like his mother. He works and I'm a SAHM to my DD (isn't his).

He won't even eat if I don't remind him/make him/cook something and then he'll complain about how he's too dizzy and ill to help out with the chores Hmm

I have the same damn arguments day in and day out. Mainly "can you please get out of bed" (at least 15 times, pull covers off, turn lights on, tickle him, shout, etc). Or "slow down you're driving too fast" If it's raining he can't even be arsed turning his window wipers on!! Says "I can still see", but that isn't the point, it's much daughter's and unborn son's safety Sad Then there's "can you please help me wash up/clean something/let the dog out" which he makes me wait "for just one sec" when he's sat playing on his phone for 30mins before I have to just do it myself on top of my other jobs.

He's actually a kind guy and is lovely to my DD and gentle/nice with me but the negatives are outweighing the positives too much. I feel like im talking to myself all day every day because he won't even respond if I ask him a question.... Just plays on his damn phone Angry And I don't have any other friends really so I feel so alone.

Sorry for the rant. Just dunno if this is a "LTB" or I'm hormonal and fed up Confused

OP posts:
Marchate · 13/01/2016 22:28

He has trained you to do everything for him

Ticktacktock · 13/01/2016 22:31

I really think you need to give him an ultimatum. Buck up or ship out. You don't have to be deadly serious, as long as he thinks you are.

flatbellyfella · 13/01/2016 22:33

You have a sulking teenager there.!!!! He needs a good rude awakening .

LizzieMacQueen · 13/01/2016 22:35

Confiscate his phone.

Seriously, I would wait to see how he changes (if he changes) once the baby is born, as that might be the kick up the backside he needs.

lorelei9 · 13/01/2016 22:37

Um, he sounds awful.

Does he work? I'm just wondering because the food thing, the wipers thing make him sound as if he's incredibly irresponsible....and knowing what it's like round here I am wondering if he lives off you?

MrsGradyOldLady · 13/01/2016 22:39

This reply has been deleted

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Mamapotter2008 · 13/01/2016 22:49

Is he depressed? I'm like that when I'm unwell. It's not that I expect someone else to do it, I just don't have the motivation to do it and it wouldn't get done if I was on my own. The thoughts going around in my head are too hard to face, so I distract myself with a repetitive game on my phone. It's a bad strategy, but without knowing different it's what a depressed person does.

If he is, then he needs to get help, which only he can do. You will need to have a chat with him about sharing responsibility. He will need to build a routine where he does the same tasks every day - that will save you from keep having to ask him. The routine will need to start small and gradually grow, and progress is not linear - very definitely a case of one step forward, two steps back.

Of course, if he isn't depressed, then he's a lazy so-and-so.

Mamapotter2008 · 13/01/2016 22:53

Meant to say - trouble getting out of bed and not bring bothered to eat are classic signs.

TPel · 13/01/2016 22:56

A lovely kind man doesn't drive dangerously with his unborn child, step child and their mother in the car.

lorelei9 · 13/01/2016 22:58

A lovely person doesn't drive like that even if they're the only one in the car.!

tipsytrifle · 13/01/2016 23:25

You think you may be done with all this. Have you taken the next inner step to wonder what you could do to change the situation? Have you wondered what it would be like without him? Have you considered ways to deal with practical issues like rent/mortgage if he were, say, to go back to parents or find alternative accommodation? If so then I think you're already on the journey. He sounds like a burden. Do you want to keep on carrying? Depression may be a factor. Or not. You're at the point of "enough".

Original poster
CumbriaMum91 · 14/01/2016 00:03

Yeah he does work, I think that's why he feels he doesn't have to do much? Hmm

MrsGrady I have never had a child with a man I "didn't like" and regret none of my children. Not even a little. I could have one to a complete bastard and it wouldn't make a difference to me? My kids are not the problem here! Shock

OP posts:
Original poster
CumbriaMum91 · 14/01/2016 00:04

I've considered it could be depression but I suffer from my own health issues so dont think I could have the strength to support him. However he manages to wake himself up at 4:30am for shift work without my input and do his job to a good standard so I think it's just laziness. Like he doesn't "have" to so he won't Confused

OP posts:
KittyWindbag · 14/01/2016 04:58

You need to be honest with him about how you feel. You don't need the stress of feeling like you're the only one making an effort. Soon you'll have a newborn on top of it all and you WON'T be able to do it all yourself.

I would write a list of all the things you would like him to make more effort with, just so it's clear and laid out. Sit him down, have the discussion, get him to agree to uphold the changes you've written on paper.

If he loves you, he will make these changes, which actually sound like very small things. If he can't make the effort to address them, then perhaps you are better off without him. Best of luck to you.

ivykaty44 · 14/01/2016 05:07

What happens if you don't tell him to get out of bed or don't remind him to eat?

Original poster
CumbriaMum91 · 14/01/2016 10:11

Thank you Kitty I'm gonna sit him down tonight and be clear rather than the constant nagging I'll prepare a list he can really look at.

Ivykaty44 He would get up about 3pm in the afternoon and play on his phone in bed for a bit. Or he would eat McDonald's drive through every day at about 9pm as a 'last resort' for food after complaining about feeling dizzy and sick. It feels like I have another child

I got a text off him from work acknowledging that he's in the wrong and that he doesn't wanna lose me. But he's going down the route of romance or gestures to try and "fix" things where as it's the day-to-day stuff that's the problem Blush I will note his effort though, I don't think I'm ready to just kick him out but he's gonna have to put more than 2 days effort in this time

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