The men I have known...

[tirednowreally]

I just put this thought together in my head as I just wanted to talk to someone and no one was there.

I am 37. Considered popular and successful and attractive and whatever else that people like about people so I'm not, you know, I dunno.

But I laid there tonight just feeling so alone and thought of every man I have ever known...

My Father
Cold and unemotional, distant, sometimes cruel. Often verbally abusive, like he randomly accuses me of lying for no reason. Like I will say DS has an ear infection and he says "I don't believe you". Plus he used to hit me. And attack my Mum a bit too. And shout, and throw furniture. A few years ago he punched me in the face and I wet myself in the street.

My Brother 1
Is a lot like my Dad, verybally bery abusive. I am scared of him (not physically) but verbally because he says awful things.

My brother 2
Soft and gentle and my best friend growing up. He changed as an asault and ended up ripping me off to the effect of me losing everything financially and then just basic narcissistic abuse in telling me (and convincing me) it was my fault.

My First love
Was lovely, wonderful, made me so happy from the age of 14 to 20 and then I gained a bit of weight and he left me for someone thinner / prettier. I am not sure that was why. But he left me anyway. I hear now from his family that he always regretted it, but he still left.

My second boyfriend
Was very strange and flirted with my friends and after I moved in with him he made me sleep in the box room and stuff. I left him and fled.

My third boyfriend
DS's Dad. A drinker and quite aggressive though. He left me when I was very ill when pregnant to go out drinking frequently. Just a waste of space. I left him.

My fourth boyfriend
I thought he was my sunshine, finally the right one, and we wre together for three years and engaged before he ran off and left me right before out wedding and cut me off for dead with no explanation.

Then has ensued a series of 3 - 4 month relationships with utter cunts. Just liars, cheats, emotionally unavailable arseholes.

I just feel so tired now.

And yes, I have had gaps between relationships. Sometimes for years.

And yes, I have had counselling, I am doing okay.

I am just tired.

I don't think any man has ever either not been abusive or left me or both.

I have men chasing me all the time, trying to sleep with me. They act so nice just to get what they want.

Can anyone tell me any nice stories about men?

My DH is nice. There is a thread about why we love our DPs, I've posted on it.

TBH there are big downsides to our relationship too, but less as time goes on.

He's exactly how he seems, a large gentle quiet man. There are people whose appearance matches their actions.

I wouldn't choose to be in another relationship if ours ended though - I'd aim for calm content on my own.

I can't tell you all of the good deeds I have done for others, over many years, without expecting payment of any kind. Not an aggressive person, love my children & grandchildren, not an attention seeking person...
Hope I qualify as a good candidate.

Are you still in contact with your family of origin, OP? Because the negative messages you have been taught by them since childhood (men are bullies, women have to take it) have so clearly influenced your whole life. And if you are still exposed to those messages and expectations, it will continue having an effect.

Do you feel your therapy was effective? What do you feel you gained from it?

Have a think about this statement:
I don't think any man has ever either not been abusive or left me or both.
You have had 4 LTRs and in two of them you left when they turned out to be abusive (which is good - you could still be stuck there) and in the other two, things didn't work out and they left. Relationships do end - it doesn't mean you're a bad person, or that they were. By definition, someone you get with when you're still a child is almost certainly not who you want to be with when you've grown into an adult. And the last guy, it must have been a horrible shock for him to just disappear without an explanation - but again, that's about him, not you.